Together, Closer

May 15, 2017
How and why intimacy is important in life.Molecular biologist Frazzetto (Joy, Guilt, Anger, Love: What Neuroscience Can--and Can't--Tell Us About How We Feel, 2014) explores intimacy--an idea that conjures images of closeness, touching, passion, and sharing ideas, moments, and space with another person--via the relationships of eight different couples. Using a mix of their personal stories, biological and chemical information (which can be a bit heavy-handed), psychology, and neurology, the author ponders what intimacy really is, what it means, and how it shifts and changes throughout a person's lifetime. "Like waves cling to the shore," he writes, "so we are inclined to attach....Loneliness can kill, whereas togetherness revives. We live in a world where it is much easier to find isolation than companionship. Yet meaningful relationships are the most nurturing ingredient for our happiness." Aidan and Carrie have been together for decades, and their love and companionship are comfortable and comforting; Ryan and Vanessa have been having an affair for years; Anita has invented a boyfriend to escape her loneliness; Oscar is dying and must say his goodbyes. Regardless of whether they are heterosexual or homosexual relationships, or between a parent and child, each tender story shows a different aspect of intimacy, including the passion one first might ascribe to the word "intimate." Frazzetto's method of branching off from the personal narratives into the scientific world doesn't always meld cohesively, but by doing so, he grounds the concepts he presents, lending credence to his ideas. A final chapter summarizing his thoughts would have been useful; the book ends rather abruptly with one woman's perspective on her relationships. However, by showing such varied ways intimacy has evolved for these eight couples, the author leaves the door open for readers to make their own comparisons and conclusions. Science and anecdote intertwine in this close examination of the bonds that bind humans together.

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June 15, 2017

Frazzetto (research fellow, Trinity Coll. Dublin; Joy, Guilt, Anger, Love) describes the sometimes complex intimate relationships people have with others. Eight relationships are highlighted in the chapters. Each story includes psychological, biological, and neuroscience research studies to explain the opinions and emotions that make human behavior complicated and mysterious. The stories include a single woman who has an imaginary boyfriend to cope with her failed relationships; a straight couple in a long-term love affair; a family that copes with the loss of a loved one; and a gay couple who is inseparable even though they appear to be unsuited for each other. Intimacy is about revealing worries and hopes to those people cherish. Frazzetto reminds readers that people can be intimate with not only romantic partners but also with family and friends. He helps readers consider their close relationships, whether they flourish, strengthen, or dissolve. Although this book is thoroughly researched with a wealth of scholarly sources cited, Frazzetto reaches a broad audience by exploring a topic that everyone can understand. VERDICT Recommended for anyone interested in psychology, biology, and neuroscience.--Tina Chan, MIT Libs., Cambridge

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