Second Thoughts

January 4, 2021
Journalist Berger debuts with a gorgeous rumination that combines her thoughts on becoming a mother for the second time with insight into the development of siblings. She considers adages about having a second child, particularly her uneasiness with the notion that “you have your second child for your first,” as well as her own childhood experiences of jealousy toward her younger sister and concerns about falling into the trap of using an easy first child as motivation to have a second. Berger also digs into child development research to debunk myths about only children (their “cognitive, emotional, and social development” is “hardly distinguishable” from other children), sibling rivalry (not normally driven by desire for one’s parents’ attention), and the effects of birth order. Staying away from specific parenting advice, Berger instead mixes her own experience of a second pregnancy (“I spent less time observing his stirrings than I had with his sister. The reason, of course, was that self-same sister”) with ruminations on the effects of repetition (such as her intermingling memories of the two births) and the unfair but unavoidable impulse to compare siblings. Berger’s thoughtful inquiry eloquently illuminates the complexities of second-time parenthood.

January 1, 2021
With the impending birth of her second child, journalist Berger was overwhelmed with the unknown. How would her family change? Would her first child be overcome with jealousy? Would the two siblings get along? Reflecting back on her own childhood only troubled Berger more. She had not welcomed the birth of her sister with open arms, and for years their relationship was strained as Berger frequently excluded her younger sibling. So as her due date approached, Berger searched for information that would calm her worries, and here shares with readers her comprehensive research alongside her life experiences as a parent of two. From the history of sibling jealousy to ""only child syndrome"" to the myths of birth order, Berger helps parents navigate the stresses of a growing family. Readers will learn the importance of appreciating each child as an individual without comparisons or expectations and how to avoid repeating mistakes of the past. Second Thoughts guides readers through the daunting transition from one child to two with the heartening reminder that love is never finite.

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March 12, 2021

Berger, a Dutch journalist, writes about the decision many parents face: whether or not to conceive for a second time. She found herself wanting to experience pregnancy again, as well as desiring a built-in playmate for her young daughter. She interrogates the reasoning behind this instinct, as well as the way it impacts all parties involved. Berger explores every aspect of the good and the bad of adding siblings to a household that can already feel fragile, like a constant negotiation. Berger's own younger sister felt that their relationship was complicated. The author notes that there exists a tendency in parents to want to do better the second time around: to be less anxious or more patient. Berger draws frequently on the work of novelists like Rachel Cusk and Zadie Smith, both of whom have written frankly about the compromises inherent in motherhood. In a market saturated with parenting narratives and how-to guides, none of Berger's research has gone totally unreported. However, her inclination to show compassion toward herself and other parents, and to weigh the impact of these decisions on children, make her a companionable guide. VERDICT Recommended for parents contemplating a second or third child, as well as readers interested in family dynamics.--Barrie Olmstead, Lewiston P.L., ID

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