Bits

Anne Frank wrote her diary. A yawn. Alex Haley wrote about his roots. A snooze. The Bible. What a bore! But what do all these have in common? That's obvious. They're not funny and the people they wrote about aren't current. Where's Bieber? Jolie? Beyonce? That's who people want to read about and laugh about. Celebrities! And not written by the celebrities themselves. What do they know? If they were smart, they wouldn't have become celebrities in the first place. Who really knows their stories?

It's the writer! The guy who was there in the trenches, the guy who made them famous in the first place. Actors and actresses didn't write their lines. It was the writer!

Who knew these stars before they became egomaniacs? Before they even knew the difference between Calistoga or Evian? The difference between dark chocolate or milk? Who told them what to say and how to say it? Writers, writers, writers!

Kenny Solms has seen them all. He wrote and schmoozed with the best of them. Co-creating The Carol Burnett Show in the late 60s, he's written for practically all of them. (However, he has yet to meet Leonardo DiCaprio). Solms wrote their movies, their TV shows....even their “spontaneous" quotes. From the greats like Jack Benny and George Burns to Willard Scott and downwards. But then back up again. And that's quite a leap.

He's the one whose bits Lucille Ball uttered. He got Bill Cosby his laughs. Sure, he made millions doing it and garnered a few Emmys as well, but is he cocky? Not remotely. In this Hollywood “tell-all" book, he documents his rise from the Emmy award-winning “Carol Burnett Show" to his doldrums writing for Hugh Hefner's “Roller Disco-Rama Plus a Preview of the Playmate of the 80s." From the booms to the boobs. From the genius of Michael Jackson to the hilarity of Joan Rivers, Solms seems to know everybody. Streisand, Sammy Davis Jr., Neil Diamond. He's written for them all. Even the Muppet, Miss Piggy, who he claims was a bitch.