The Night Lake

November 1, 2020
A wrenching tragedy haunts a mother's life. In her first position as a recently ordained priest, Tichenor was living in an Episcopal camp on the shores of Lake Tahoe with her husband, their 2-year-old daughter, and newborn son. One evening, she grew alarmed that her infant was in severe distress and rushed to see an emergency care physician. Assured that the baby was healthy, she returned home; hours later, her son died. In a memoir steeped in raw, often heartbreaking emotion, Tichenor recalls the horrifying event and its aftermath as she tries to draw upon faith and community for understanding and solace. From the first, she was astonished by people's remarks and maudlin sympathy cards that reiterated "the trite explanation that 'God needed another angel.' " Some parishioners, she noticed, "seemed to weirdly want me to take care of them, or who wanted to make it all seem all right, palatable, survivable, understandable, done." She was exhausted, she writes, by the effort "to avoid the next sympathy attack." Compounding her grief over her son's death was the recent suicide of her mother, an alcoholic whose drinking, neglect, and erratic behavior had blighted Tichenor's childhood. Her mother's alcoholism, she writes, "was my inheritance, this the dark water I'd been swimming in for years." Trying to survive those dark waters, Tichenor took up running, sought therapy, and leaned on the strength of a few stalwart friends; for a while, she sought the oblivion of alcohol. "I was angry at all I had been dealt," she admits. "And I felt so very alone. Drinking didn't make that go away. But with a drink in my hand, I didn't have to feel as much." Now, determinedly sober and a church rector, Tichenor acknowledges the persistence of grief over a death that "gutted me, sank me, its images flashing before my eyes, as I continuously relived it." A powerful, forthright chronicle of surviving profound loss.

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Starred review from December 1, 2020

Tichenor debuts with an exceptional book about the power of survival after a significant tragedy: the death of her five-week old son. Tichenor, an Episcopal priest, is honest to the point of being blunt, whether she is dealing with the coroner, the funeral director, or the mourners--and her rich descriptions of the funeral and burial are almost too much to bear. While she has no patience for clich�s, simply loathing the platitudes of the saccharine cards people send her, she is appropriately forthcoming with her young daughter about what is happening throughout the entire process. Tichenor's memoir moves around in time and she also writes about an earlier loss, her mother's death by suicide, which provides more depth to her experiences of grief. Details are also given about other significant life markers, such as her decision to become sober and take up running, and her choice to have another child. The most moving sections of the book are toward the end where she writes about church services reflecting on her son's death. VERDICT A stunning introspective memoir recommended for general readers, especially those dealing with grief.--David Azzolina, Univ. of Pennsylvania Libs., Philadelphia

Copyright 2020 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

December 1, 2020
This is a heart-wrenching yet gorgeous memoir by Episcopal priest Tichenor, who lost an infant son. Tichenor had recently relocated to Lake Tahoe with her husband and their two-year-old daughter, Alice. It is there, in their cabin, that baby Fritz is born, and also where he dies at just 40 days old, with no clear explanation. Juxtaposed with Fritz's death is the somewhat recent suicide of Tichenor's mother following a drunk-driving arrest. While this loss is also heartbreaking, Tichenor can find some peace in it, as her mother struggled with alcoholism as long as the author can remember. Her constant in dealing with both deaths is Alice. Just a small child, Alice is full of need, but also still finding joy in everything, even in Fritz's death story, for which she demands retellings. Tichenor also learns to slowly move forward through running, her deep faith, her people, and a longed-for return to her former parish. More than a tearjerker, this memoir is a weeper. Tichenor's honest and plush writing lets readers sink into her settings and emotions, whether in grief, hope, or wonder. Perfect for fans of Anne Lamott and any reader interested in the intersection of grief and faith.Women in Focus: The 19th in 2020

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