The Commitment

Starred review from July 25, 2005
The author of the internationally syndicated column "Savage Love" brings much-needed humor, and a reality check, to the bitter gay-marriage debate with this polemical memoir. As Savage (Skipping Towards Gomorrah
) and his boyfriend, Terry, neared their 10th anniversary, Savage's mother put on the pressure for them to get married. But, Savage notes, there were several other points to consider before deciding to tie the knot: among them, the fact that marriage doesn't provide legal protection in Washington State; Terry prefers tattoos as a sign of commitment; and their six-year-old son declared that only men and women can get married. Furthermore, Savage himself worried that the relationship would be jinxed by anything more permanent than a big anniversary bash, though the one they plan quickly assumes the proportions and price of a wedding reception. While documenting the couple's wobble toward a decision, Savage skewers ideologues, both pro– and anti–gay marriage, with his radical pragmatism. Disproving Tolstoy's dictum that "happy families are all alike," he takes a sharp-eyed, compassionate look at matrimony as it is actually practiced by friends, his raucously affectionate family and even medieval Christians. When he explains to his son what marriage is really about, you want to stand up and cheer, and the surprise ending is both hilarious and a tear-jerker. As funny as David Sedaris's essay collections, but bawdier and more thought-provoking, this timely book shows that being pro-family doesn't have to mean being anti-gay.

October 1, 2005
Are Savage and his partner commitment-phobic? Or is contemporary America driving them to premixed margaritas and matching tattoos instead of the altar? An advice columnist ("Savage Love"), newspaper editor, and VH1 commentator, Savage grapples with the meaning of marriage, particularly gay marriage, and delivers a book that is part essay, part family memoir to explore the larger cultural issues as well as his own feelings: "It's hard not to see my grandparents' bride and groom figurines as a metaphor not only for their marriage -fragile -&something lasting, but with a little touch of fascism about it -but for the whole idea of marriage circa 1939. Back then you got married, and you stayed married." There's plenty of humor here as well, but don't expect David Sedaris or even the bite of Savage's sexual advice columns. Though he may sacrifice some artfulness for earnestness and is at times a little heavy with the cute comments from his precocious six-year-old, Savage is fearless at taking on the politics of gay marriage and is also brave enough, as readers will discover, to commit himself eventually to a significant decision with his significant other. -Laurie Sullivan, MLS, Nashville

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