All the Things We Never Knew

August 1, 2015
A popular Portland radio talk show host's account of her painful marriage to a bipolar man who eventually committed suicide. When Hamilton met her future husband, David, all she could see was a tall, handsome man who radiated confidence and success rather than the "erratic, discombobulated energy" that governed his actions. Less than a year later, they got married, and Hamilton was pregnant. Their storybook life began to unravel shortly afterward when Hamilton discovered that David had never ended his relationship to the woman who was his previous girlfriend. Rather than leave and jeopardize what she believed would be her infant daughter's well-being, Hamilton stayed by David's side. It was then she began to notice his sensitivity to "sounds, bright lights [and] smells" and an increased frequency of irrational outbursts. Yet she never equated his symptoms with any serious illness, in part because David-as well as most of the rest of his family-lived in a state of denial about his condition. Just as she found the courage to finally seek a divorce, David's condition worsened, and he was hospitalized. But medications only seemed to compound her husband's problems, and his newly diagnosed bipolar disorder caused him to deteriorate rapidly. During this period, Hamilton learned that David was hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and that a divorce from him would cost her everything she had worked for. Before she could take further action, however, David committed suicide, leaving both his wife and child "without so much as a note to understand his decision." Hamilton's story is unsettling, but the heart and grit she displays in successfully moving beyond tragedy and learning to live with such chilling uncertainties as whether or not her daughter would also develop bipolar disorder make the book a worthwhile-if at times difficult-read. A brave and honest memoir of mental illness and the many people it can affect.

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October 15, 2015

Portland, OR, radio personality Hamilton sought answers as to why her husband, David, committed suicide within six weeks of receiving a mental illness diagnosis. Hamilton seeks to spare families from the loss of loved ones to suicide by telling her family's story and arguing for both early intervention and destigmatization of such illnesses. Her work succeeds as an informative and emotional pull for mental health awareness. While Kay Redfield Jamison's An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness advocates for sufferers from a psychiatrist's treatment of these patients and Jamison's own diagnosis, Hamilton adds a valuable story to the literature as a caregiver. She is also on the lookout for signs of mental illness in her daughter with David. Between chapters are sections of mental health information and research, including on psychosis, mindfulness, and children's grief. Mental health resource organizations are listed. VERDICT Highly recommended for anyone who wants to understand mental illness from a caregiver's perspective and educate themselves on how to support loved ones who are afflicted.--Jennifer M. Schlau, Elgin Community Coll., IL

Copyright 2015 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

Starred review from November 1, 2015
When Hamilton, a TV- and radio-news producer and anchor, meets her future husband, David, she is struck by his confidence, decisiveness, control, and enthusiasm for life. But after their marriage and the birth of their daughter, Hamilton notices changes. David becomes short-tempered and combative. He gains weight and loses interest in the outdoors. He becomes disorganized and overwhelmed by his construction business. What Hamilton doesn't realize, until David's first suicide attempt, is that her husband is suffering from bipolar disorder. As she vividly recalls the months leading up to David's decline and eventual suicide, Hamilton speaks frankly about the warning signs she didn't see and the excuses she made for her husband's actions. Intercut with her painful recollections are brief pieces on mental-health issues, including treatment, drug use, denial, caregivers, hospitalization, and suicide. After David's suicide, Hamilton and her daughter struggle with guilt, family issues, and a mountain of debts left from her husband's failed business as they put their lives back together. Instead of detracting from the narrative, these asides dovetail perfectly, adding important, thought-provoking facts. The result is a powerful narrative that speaks out about the effects of mental illness on families and the importance of seeking early treatment for afflicted loved ones.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2015, American Library Association.)