How to Forget

March 11, 2019
In this candid and intimate memoir, Mulgrew (Born with Teeth), an actress on Star Trek: Voyager, chronicles her father’s death at 83 from lung cancer, as well as her artist mother’s decline from Alzheimer’s disease. Mulgrew, one of eight children, was doing a live show in Florida when she learned of her father’s cancer diagnosis. She returned home to take on “a principal role in a real-life drama” and oversaw his final days, while also taking care of her mother. Back in Dubuque County, Iowa, on the 40-acre estate her father purchased to raise his large Irish Catholic family, Mulgrew delves into her past and her complicated relationship with the uncommunicative father she adores. She recalls how he drove her three hours to Milwaukee for her first audition even though—unlike her mother—he didn’t support her dream of acting. The book also has lighter moments (the author and her brother delight in watching their mother, even in the throes of Alzheimer’s, knock off eight whiskeys at a New York City bar). In an intensely intimate moment, Mulgrew bathes her comatose father; two years later, she holds vigil at her dying mother’s bedside. This is a detailed and searing portrait of a family facing the inevitability of death.

March 15, 2019
An award-winning actor's account of returning to her hometown of Dubuque, Iowa, to care for parents diagnosed with devastating terminal illnesses.Lonely, drained, and exhausted, Mulgrew (Born with Teeth, 2015), who has starred in Star Trek: Voyager and Orange Is the New Black, was on a theater tour in Florida when she first received word that her father, Tom, had lung cancer. Years earlier, she and her siblings had learned that their mother was suffering from atypical Alzheimer's disease. Now, the girl she had left behind in Iowa "suddenly kicked, and swam hard for the surface," wanting nothing more than to return home and help her parents. In this powerful memoir, Mulgrew pays homage to her mother and father, their deep, at times troubled union, and the intense bonds she shared with each. She dedicates the first half of the book to her father, a charming alcoholic tormented by the fact that he "wasn't a loser but...wasn't a winner, either." The author's relationship with him simmered with tension over the years, and when his wife, Joan, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, it was the author whom she named her health care guardian. In the second half of the book, Mulgrew tells the story of her mother. Though outwardly vibrant, Joan had been made inwardly fragile by the loss of her own mother at an early age. She married Tom, "who had wooed her with...tenacity" and promises of happiness, only to find mediocrity. His drinking drove her to take solo trips from home and temporary refuge in the arms of a handsome local priest. The author became her source of strength when death and disappointment marred her later life. Like Born with Teeth, this book is self-consciously literary and sometimes overwritten. Nonetheless, the narrative offers a rich, eloquent, and emotionally complex portrait of parent-child bonds and a colorful, unforgettable family.On the whole, Mulgrew delivers another candid and moving memoir.

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May 1, 2019

In her first memoir, Born with Teeth, stage and screen actress Mulgrew (Star Trek: Voyager; Orange Is the New Black) discussed her longing for the daughter she gave up for adoption. With this follow-up, she examines a different form of longing--that of her parents' approval. In two sections, one devoted to each parent, Mulgrew recounts life as the second oldest of eight children, in an Irish Catholic household in Dubuque, IA, with a family history of alcoholism and silent resentment. She details her dad's hard childhood and his impassivity after the deaths of two of Mulgrew's sisters while relating her mom's equally challenging upbringing, losing her own mom at a young age, and retreating into herself after the sudden loss of two children. With candor, Mulgrew shares her efforts at caregiving after her mom develops Alzheimer's and, later, her dad is diagnosed with cancer. The author's privilege shows in passages about her reliance on her caregivers of Mexican descent; however, she reveals the painful effects of a family's long-standing fear of doctors and lack of vulnerability. VERDICT Though long-winded at times, this intimate memoir shares the realities of loving flawed parents and coping with grief and loss; a worthwhile read.--Stephanie Sendaula, Library Journal

Copyright 2019 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

April 15, 2019
Some readers may recognize author Mulgrew as the actor who brought television characters Mary Ryan, Captain Kathryn Janeway, and Red Reznikov to life. Others may remember her as the author of a best-selling memoir about her midwestern Irish Catholic upbringing and career in show business, Born with Teeth (2015). Whether already aware of Mulgrew's charming and unique voice, or new to her compelling, introspective storytelling, audiences will appreciate this new memoir, an account of her parents during the final years of their lives. Artistic, whimsical Jicky and larger-than-life, hard-drinking Tom were the somewhat unconventional parents of seven children, of whom Kate was second, and the oldest daughter. Kate describes the daily routines of caring for her stubborn, willful father, who is succumbing to cancer, and her mother, who is being gradually diminished by Alzheimer's, all the while reflecting back on typical family foibles: sibling rivalries, inside jokes, shared secrets, and manifestations of love, however obscure and mysterious to outsiders. This engrossing story of a daughter's love, told with brutal honesty, will resonate with readers.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2019, American Library Association.)