The Kids Are in Bed

September 16, 2019
Bertsche (MWF Seeking BFF), a journalist and mother of two, encourages fellow parents to find, or create, free time for themselves between childcare obligations, in a less than revelatory, but nonetheless helpful, self-care primer. Mixing personal recollections, common sense talk, and pointers from happiness research, she describes using “pockets of indulgence” to maintain a sense of oneself as a “whole person,” not just a parent. Bertsche’s basic message is to let go of the “multitasking myth,” which results in guilt-ridden “contaminated time,” when one attempts leisure and obligatory tasks simultaneously—in her case, folding laundry and watching Law and Order: SVU—to the detriment of both. Instead, she recommends finding—most likely short, but intensely focused—periods of single-minded attention to a rewarding activity. Bertsche also urges couples to find time together when they don’t talk about their kids, and not to downplay nonfamily connections. In her case, she glowingly describes enjoying a recent hours-long phone call with an old friend. Though unlikely to come as a surprise to anyone, the suggestions in her book are laudably specific, and heeding them might very well improve one’s own parental “happiness gap.” Agent: Kari Stuart, ICM.

November 15, 2019
Bertsche, author of the memoirs MWF Seeking BFF (2012) and Jennifer, Gwyneth and Me (2014), here investigates how parents can make the most of their limited free time in our guilt-ridden age of intensive parenting. A working mother of two herself, Bertsche was tired of feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and (of course) guilty about how she spent time away from her kids. Consulting experts and parents across the country, Bertsche shows how even small amounts of free time can be used intentionally and explains why larger amounts should be dedicated to self-care, maintaining a healthy marriage, and sustaining meaningful friendships. In other words, parents should drop the guilt and indulge themselves. Not just because we need to be kinder to ourselves, or cut ourselves a break, or recognize that we're all just doing the best we can. We should stop feeling guilty because time and again the science has come down to say: we are doing enough. Honest and funny, this feels like a much-needed conversation with a good friend, which is always worth the time.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2019, American Library Association.)