Losing My Religion

February 9, 2009
A former religion reporter for the Los Angeles Times
, Lobdell recounts in this plainly written memoir how he became a Protestant evangelical, nearly accepted Catholicism and, in the end, rejected faith altogether. Central to the arc of this memoir is the unfolding sexual abuse scandal in the Roman Catholic Church, which Lobdell covered in depth during his time as a religion reporter, beginning in 2000. Despairing of the role of priests and bishops in that scandal, he refashions his identity as a crusading reporter out to cleanse the church of corrupt leaders. But after finding that his investigative stories about faith healer Benny Hinn and televangelists Jan and Paul Crouch appear to make no difference on the reach of these ministries or the lives of their followers, he gives up on the beat and on religion generally. Lobdell subjects his faith to the rigors of rationalism. If Christians are no more ethical than atheists, why belong to a church? It's a curious utilitarian argument that sounds more like a rearview explanation than a revealing account of loss of faith. Still, the memoir's strength lies in the wrenching emotional toll exacted by the Catholic abuse scandal. If nothing else, it suggests reporters may have been victimized by the scandal, too.

February 1, 2009
In his twenties, Lobdell's life fell apart. Searching for a lifeline, he attended church services and on the final day of a retreat, "invit[ed] Jesus into [his] heart." He felt whole again. He eventually became the full-time religion reporter for the prestigious "Los Angeles Times". By then, he had left evangelicalism behind and was preparing to convert to Catholicism. He was reporting on sexual abuse scandals in the local diocese when he changed his mind about converting: joining the church seemed a betrayal of the victims who'd been sexually abused by priests and had their cases shoved under the rug by the priests' superiors. The more he looked, the darker his view of religion became: priests abused parishioners, and nothing happened; believers didn't behave better than nonbelievers; prayers weren't answered, and God didn't seem as good a father as Lobdell himself wanted to be to his own sons. Eventually, as he describes, he left his post as religion reporter. It is interesting to compare this account with Julian Barnes's recent and eloquent "Nothing To Be Afraid Of". Barnes is an intellectual: he never believed in anything at all but still must come to grips with his fear of death. Lobdell's heartfelt account is probably closer to the experience of many Americans whose doubts overwhelmed them, leading themreluctantly and after much soul-searchingto disbelief. Recommended for most public collections.David Keymer, Modesto, CA

Copyright 2009 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

Starred review from March 15, 2009
Lobdells spiritual life had been a roller-coaster ride. During his late twenties, his marriage fell apart, he drank too much, and he cheated on his newand pregnantgirlfriend. He was running away from responsibility as fast as he could. So when a friend told him he needed Godhe suspended church attendance when a teenagerhe listened. Slowly, things turned around. He secured a new job, marriage to his second wife went well, everything seemed to be falling into place. Attributing his newfound success to faith, he became a born-again Christian and, later, seriously considered converting to Catholicism. He became a full-time religion reporter for the Los Angeles Times, a job that exposed him to other faiths and to stories of abuse in mainstream religion circles, especially the sexual abuse scandal within the Catholic Church. Before long, he was wracked with doubt and stopped attending church altogether. My long honeymoon with Christianity had ended. Finally, he reached a turning point at which he concluded that there is no God. Lobdells spiritual journey fascinates, not least on account of the irony of his trajectory from agnosticism to belief to atheism while covering religion. Its a story that may raise eyebrows among believers and nonbelievers alike.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2009, American Library Association.)