Bobby Wonderful

Starred review from April 6, 2015
Morris (Assisted Loving), commentator on NPR’s All Things Considered, takes an introspective yet humorous look at the final journeys of his critically ill parents. His story is hardly unusual among baby boomers; he says that 65 million Americans are caregivers, and “seven out of ten”of those 65 million provide care for someone over 50, hoping to help parents without neglecting the quality of their own lives. While trying to endure the concluding days of his mother, suffering from a blood disease, and his suicidal father, who faces heart surgery, Morris writes sensitively about his conflicts with his older brother, the medical complications of “comfort care,” and the attempts to provide the “perfect ending” for loved ones. Long before the book closes on an upbeat note, Morris explores the many shapes of loss and grief, with a few mischievous asides and recollections punctuating the most painful event possible: “But that’s how families cope—with an unspoken letting go long before the actual death. It eases the pain of the final parting.” Packing in more substance and smiles than are usually found in this genre, Morris has written a profound and timely chronicle.

March 15, 2015
A journalist's memoir of coming to terms with the aging and deaths of his parents.This book fits into what has become a genre unto itself, as baby boomers have reached the age where they are taking care of the parents who once took care of them, and advances of modern medicine have allowed some of those parents to live longer. By his own admission, Morris (Assisted Loving: True Tales of Double Dating with My Dad, 2008, etc.) was not a model caregiver, deferring much of that responsibility to his brother, and his parents weren't what he would "have ordered from a parent catalogue." The prelude to this "personal chronicle of ending" suggests that the book was inspired by the example of an acquaintance whose doting on his elderly parents stood in stark contrast to the author's self-centeredness toward unwanted responsibilities and distractions. A travel writer, he found his trip to Scotland to sample Scotch ruined by the pleas from his brother to return home because their mother was dying. He didn't want to interrupt his trip, but he could no longer enjoy it. His brother, to whom the book is dedicated, was "the family's morality meter," while the author was "more the wicked one...prodigal, cynical, and irresponsible." After his mother's death, his father embarked on a romance that seemed to revitalize him (and provided material for a theatrical performance the author mounted), but then he declined again. As the author tried to help his father through his depression and suffered the trials of caregiving, he sometimes seemed to wish his father had succeeded with his suicide attempt. "I'm all for the simple solution, the easy exit," he says. Even his father complained about his son's lack of commitment and compassion. "Caring for parents has become the new normal for boomers," writes Morris. Readers will likely find other books on the topic more illuminating and inspirational.

March 15, 2015
These days, baby boomers are faced with taking care of their parents as well as their children (and themselves). Sometimes siblings step in to help, as Morris finds out to his happiness and his chagrin. He is in Edinburgh on a scotch-tasting tour when his brother urges him to come back to the States right away, for their mother is dying. Morris (the titular Bobby Wonderful) heads home, but he still harbors regrets for his actions and inactions. When his father falters not long after, Morris tries harder. His memories and his often-comic escapadeswith his dad, his dad's new girlfriend, his extended family, and his spouse, Iralead him to realize that death is for the living, just as much as life is. Morris touchingly and winsomely shares his thoughts about being a child, about loving his parents (and them loving him), about not quite knowing what to do but doing it anyway. Readers will need a hankie or two throughout this bookthe family members are honestly, memorably portrayed, and they are remarkable. A poignant, charming reflection on the next step in life.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2015, American Library Association.)