Losing My Sister

July 9, 2012
Novelist and poet Goldman (Early Leaving) beautifully renders the complexity of sibling relationships with candidness, tenderness, and sorrow in her chronicle of the immense and troubled love she has for her older sister. Growing up, Brenda was strong, smart, and no-nonsense, while Judy was the “sweet” one who admired and sought approval from Brenda, always thinking of her as more important. “Jews don’t have a Coat of Arms, but if my family did, it would say Sisters Matter,” she writes. In adulthood, they live close to each other, but a blowup leads to years of barely speaking, the result of a longstanding dynamic in which Brenda, burdened with a temper, wants Judy to be more like her and instead of praise, offers anger while Judy stays silent. Only after their parents die within two years of one another do they heal their rift. They’re careful with one another, retreating when problems arise. Decades later, when Judy publishes a novel, her sister is critical rather than congratulatory, and a different fight begins, this one more troubling because Brenda has cancer. Eighteen months pass before they make up, giving them only days of their renewed bond before Brenda’s health takes a turn. In the end, Goldman’s book speaks to the human ability to forgive and attain a measure of peace amid loss. Agent: Amy Rennert, Amy Rennert Agency.

July 15, 2012
A chronicle of the relationship between two sisters struggling to "solve the mystery of individuality and connection." Goldman (Early Leaving, 2008, etc.) begins in 1992, with the discovery of a "mass" in her breast. When she called her sister, Brenda, the next day, Brenda told her that she felt "calcifications" in her breast. Their biopsies occurred one day apart; the author's diagnosis was benign, but her sister's was malignant. For Goldman, the cancer encapsulated their respective images: she sweet and prim (like her mother), her sister tougher (like their father.) She explains that as the younger sibling, she followed her sister's lead; in turn, her sister was protective. Goldman then skips back to 1974, when her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Two years later, her father suffered a recurrence of colon cancer. The stress of the situation contributed to a serious rift between the sisters, a breach of intimacy that they struggled to repair during the ensuing years. Goldman's parents had played an important part in helping them maintain their close bond as sisters. With them gone, writes the author, she experienced a belated rebellion against her sister. In an unsuccessful attempt to repair their apparently broken relationship, the sisters even tried couples' therapy. After their mother's death, they reconciled for a while, but the cycle repeated itself. Although her sister's fatal illness brought them close again, Goldman was left bereft but determined to claim her independence. An occasionally poignant but mostly dismal memoir of loss and its many manifestations.

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September 1, 2012

In the opening pages of this memoir, novelist Goldman (Early Leaving) describes finding a mass in her breast at nearly the same time that her sister, Brenda, discovered a growth in her own. However, this isn't a story about breast cancer. Instead, Goldman skillfully maneuvers her memoir into complex terrain, exploring what she calls "the complicated alliance of love and will" between herself and Brenda. Goldman tracks her relationship with Brenda from childhood through the agonizing experiences of their parents' diagnoses of Alzheimer's (mother) and colon cancer (father) and their slow declines. Goldman describes how the sisters' bond weakens and strengthens, an ebb and flow of intimacy. The memoir studies loss in its many forms--death, estrangement, an obligatory connection between formerly inseparable siblings. While the events themselves are heartrending, the memoir ultimately addresses the cathartic discovery that loss and losing can relax familial roles previously perceived as absolutes. VERDICT A sensitive look at the intricacies and evolution of sisterhood and family during prolonged encounters with serious illnesses as well as the love and tensions that characterize sibling relationships. Recommended.--Rachael Dreyer, American Heritage Ctr., Laramie, WY

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