The Widower's Notebook

April 9, 2018
Writer and artist Santlofer (The Death Artist), has produced a quiet stunner of a memoir about the rocky shoals of the widower’s life. The book’s opening scene, in which his wife, Joy, dies suddenly following an operation, is strobed with cinematic verve: “I catch a last glimpse of my wife on the stretcher... all of this in split seconds, like frames of a silent movie before the emergency room doors slam shut.” From there, Santlofer writes of being “sick with a grief that has only just begun” before recounting life as an unexpected widower—numbly going through funeral routines, reaffirming his relationship with his adult daughter, nervously re-entering the dating world, finishing his wife’s book on the history of New York food (Food City)—with asides on the inner turmoil he carefully hides from the world: “I’d lost my sounding board, my reality check, my echo.” Although the author is frequently lost in a fog of detachment, the book never loses momentum, thanks in large part to his vivid writing and lack of self-indulgence. Santlofer includes a cringeworthy though hilarious chapter called “Stupid Things Said by Smart People,” which lists thoughtless things people said to him while he was in mourning (“At least your wife avoided a late-in-life divorce,” a neighbor bafflingly told him). This is a tender, moving, and resonant account of how life continues whether one wants it to or not.

April 15, 2018

Crime novelist and artist Santlofer (It Occurs to Me I Am America) turns his attention inward in this account of the years following the sudden death of his beloved wife, food writer Joy Santlofer. Mired in a profound fog of grief, Santlofer sleepwalked through the early days and then gradually slipped into a life without Joy, while managing never to confront essential truths about her death and its effects on the whole Santlofer family. Delayed realizations about the nature of sorrow and the puzzling circumstances of Joy's death ultimately enable the author to process the hideous experience in a way that allows him to move forward, however slowly and sadly. Santlofer's memoir of life after the unexpected death of a treasured spouse is told from a widower's point of view: one, he asserts, that is not often reported. VERDICT Santlofer's voice might provide comfort or insight to those in similar circumstances, while his sketches of family--drawn from memories and snapshots of happier days--supply an affecting view of the depths of his mourning, which he was once unable to articulate. [See Prepub Alert, 1/22/18.]--Therese Purcell Nielsen, Huntington P.L., NY

Copyright 2018 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

Starred review from May 15, 2018
When his wife dies, a man learns to live with the vacuum of space she's left behind.The death of Santlofer's wife happened unexpectedly; one day she was healthy and in need of a knee operation, the next day, she was gone, leaving a hole in Santlofer's life and numerous questions as to what really caused her death. In the brief first part, the author immediately plunges the reader into the moments before Joy's death, expertly capturing the panic and dismay he felt as he watched the paramedics work on her and the horribly long hours at the hospital as he waited for answers. In Part 2, "After" Santlofer explores the relationship he had with Joy, offering tender slices and snippets of their 40-plus years together, moments of togetherness that he remembers with fondness and times when they argued that he wishes he could revisit and redo. His words carry with them the solemnity of death, love, and longing and a tinge of anger as he wrestles with the facts and struggles to determine what went wrong on that fateful day. Santlofer offers a man's perspective on emotional topics, of feeling inadequate on multiple levels, of wanting to have been a better husband and his desire to be a better father to their only daughter. He shares his coping methods through the months of mourning, the ways he filled the emptiness brought on by Joy's absence. In "Widower," Part 3, Santlofer considers what it means to be a single man again, the social expectations placed on him by well-meaning friends, and his push to see his wife's unfinished writing reach publication. Also included are beautiful line drawings the author did that helped fill the hours as he slowly moved from one day to one month to one year and more past the death of Joy.An expressive and poetic tribute to a wife and a marriage that died without warning.

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