Okay Fine Whatever

May 15, 2018
A former Live Wire! host's account of the year she spent facing the "sometimes crippling anxiety" that ruled her life.Hameister had always been a "toe-dipper. A cringe-r. A wait-and-see-er." Yet few people knew, just as they did not know that she struggled with generalized anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. After suffering an especially massive anxiety attack in the spring of 2013, the author not only stepped down from her position at Live Wire!; she also decided to "do things that scared me and then write about them." She began by facing her fear of enclosed spaces and the darkness by going into a sensory deprivation tank. Her success inspired her to push forward into another realm that was especially terrifying to her: dating. The 40-something Hameister, who had struggled with weight issues for most of her life, had only had relationships with two people, both of whom she met through friends. The author was able to find dates online, but her ever present neurosis led her to create a spreadsheet (that she later dispensed with) to help sort through and rank all her options. After enduring the agony of a Brazilian wax to boost her body confidence, she had encounters with an array of men, including a polyamorous "ethical slut" and a bald jazz DJ most memorable for his ability to see past Hameister's uncontrollable nervous sweating. Her other "firsts" included a pot-smoking session that ended in hospitalization, a deeper plunge into the world of polyamory, a visit to a swinger's club, an hour with a professional cuddler, and a class in oral sex. Her edgy adventures unexpectedly led to a relationship with a quiet father of two teenage children who gave her the acceptance she thought she would never find. The author not only chronicles how she faced her inner demons and won; she also offers a reminder that doing even the smallest thing to conquer fear "is enough to change a lot."A fresh, intelligent memoir.

COPYRIGHT(2018) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

May 28, 2018
Hameister, former host and head writer of the Portland radio show Live Wire!, undertakes an amusing, if perhaps overly insular, rumination on various experiences she has subjected herself to in order to combat severe anxiety. Those with similar conditions will find her tone encouraging throughout, as when she describes the reason for taking on her “Okay Fine Whatever” project: “I thought if I could create a situation in which I was forced to try new things... I might actually become braver... I might even eventually become a badass.” She describes a wide variety of small boundary-pushing experiences, including 90 minutes spent in a sensory deprivation tank, forays into polyamory, and an evening at a vegan strip club, which she leaves feeling “far dirtier for pretending to be ‘chill’ than I did for watching naked women gyrate all night.” She also shares personal reflections, most notably on her desire for male approval. Her amused, sometimes snarky writing style will surely resonate with young hipsters but seems less likely to reach a wider readership. Nonetheless, Hameister’s frankness about her struggles with anxiety may prove helpful to readers facing their own internal confrontations. Agent: Laurie Fox, Linda Chester Agency.

June 1, 2018
Prolific radio-talk-show personality Hameister hosted the Portland-based Live Wire! for 12 years. Unbeknownst to interviewees and fans, Hameister was suffering from crippling obsessive-compulsive disorder, in addition to a lifetime of generalized anxiety disorder, or GAD. In this memoir, she shares the successes and epic failures of her recent Okay Fine Whatever project, an attempt to overcome fear by engaging in dozens of terrifying activities. This series of self-inflicted dares includes an hour in a sensory deprivation tank, a Brazilian bikini wax, a trip to a professional cuddler, an evening at a sex club, and 28 internet-matched first dates. Each of these endeavors teaches Hameister something new about what she wants from her life beyond GAD. There is a tremendous amount of pain (wax) and a tremendous amount of courage (sitting on a futon at a sex club). By the end of the project, Hameister finds a version of peace and new ways to love the things that make her unique, anxiety included. Inspiring, poignant, and laugh-out-loud funny.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2018, American Library Association.)