When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages

March 1, 2001
Well known to Christian readers and appointed as "marriage ambassadors" by the governor of Oklahoma to help reduce the state's divorce rate, the Parrotts are strong proponents of marriage even when it's less than perfect. Citing research on the benefits of marriage for health, wealth and emotional satisfaction, they aim to help readers deal with their problems and disappointments and fully expect readers' serious participation in exercises and self-quizzes that are sold in separate workbooks for men and women (a departure from the usual format for trade self-help books). Whether marital problems arise from unfulfilled expectations, unhealthy choices or unpredictable circumstances, the Parrotts (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts; Becoming Soul Mates) believe that the ability to adjust to "bad things" can strengthen and mature a relationship. Most fresh is their discussion of the needs of couples who may be out of sync spiritually, who don't understand each other's spiritual language or style of worship. Numerous case studies which illustrate how to handle issues from irritating habits and boredom to "bombshells" such as addiction, infidelity and infertility offer only surface explanations of each couple's predicaments, along with pithy advice. While many of the suggestions here may be useful (e.g., on how to create boundaries and honor distinctions between partners), many are familiar (e.g., reserve time for sex and intimacy; refuse to be a victim). (Mar.) Forecast: This slight manual will find a ready market among the Parrots' Christian following, though its Christian sensibility may keep it from breaking out to a larger readership.