Fathering Right from the Start

March 12, 2001
Heinowitz (Pregnant Fathers), therapist, author, educator and father, believes that "men's fundamental fathering experiences have gone unexpressed, often for generations." He explores the age-old stereotype of the emotionally reserved, reluctant and awkward father, and provides men with a guide for becoming better parents and partners. He is optimistic that new fathers can see their role as a growth opportunity that allows them to break the generational tendency of "fathering-by-default." As Heinowitz has seen in more than 30 years of professional and personal practice, becoming a father can be a cathartic experience, releasing emotions tucked away since childhood and reopening unresolved marital issues. Heinowitz encourages a constructive struggle with these new pressures, saying that fathering "requires no advance knowledge, because is not about doing it right. Instead, it is about being a loving dad." Furthermore, "it is never too late to get involved," since successful parenting relies less on a set of skills than on an emotional and spiritual commitment to the family. Accompanied by quotations and examples from various fathers, Heinowitz offers a structured discussion to prepare men to explore their hidden selves. Included are step-by-step exercises to focus fathers toward releasing emotions, with the goal of improving spousal communication, and an extensive list of how-to books. Though Brickner's slightly toned-down men's movement sensibilities are not for everyone, many fathers will rely on this book as an emotional resource.