Raising a Secure Child

Starred review from February 27, 2017
Psychotherapists Hoffman, Cooper, and Powell, who have shared a clinical practice since 1985, provide a clearly drawn map to the circle of security, their attachment theory–based program for attuning parents to child needs. Defining attachment as children relying on caregivers for physical and emotional nourishment, the authors cite research showing how secure attachment prepares children to have better health, relationships, and performance in school. They emphasize that the program is applicable to parents of various cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds, and say it will help them cope with all kinds of life obstacles. Rather than promising “perfect” child-parent relationships, the coauthors aim to create relationships in which the children understand that parents also make mistakes. Part one of the guide explains the circle of security’s rationale and initial establishment; part two details building and maintaining it throughout childhood. Embedded in each chapter are illustrative anecdotes and analyses of various examples of behavior to help parents in different situations. This is a highly usable guide with the potential to enrich relationships of all kinds.

December 1, 2016

Attachments build confidence that enable children to find who they truly are and can become in the wide world, according to Hoffman, Glen Cooper, and Bert Powell's tome on nurturing emotional resilience and exploration. Twenty years ago, the authors created a 20-week program for parents struggling with their relationship with toddlers and preschoolers, which has been adapted in schools and therapeutic settings. Children with a secure attachment with at least one parent do better in school, have stronger friendships, enjoy better physical health, and go on to have more intimate, fulfilling, and enduring relationships, according to studies the authors cite from the 1950s. Hoffman et al. also believe one of the seminal mistakes of parenting is in placing focus on trying not to make mistakes. Instead of perfect parenting, the authors stress the need for present parenting. They believe being there for our children, mistakes and all, builds trust and frees our children to be who they really are in front of us. Security leads to confidence, which leads to self-reliance. Although the book is marketed to the average parent, its suggested audience seems to be professionals in the psychology or childhood development fields as the writing style is a bit more slow-paced and the authors make liberal use of charts and diagrams. VERDICT A parent with little to no reading time might prefer a format that gives simple suggestions rather than case studies and quotes from experts. Recommended for those already familiar with the Circle of Security method or for professionals.--Julia M. Reffner, North Chesterfield, VA

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