Three-Martini Family Vacation

June 4, 2007
In her latest guide to parenting under the influence (following The Three-Martini Playdate), Mellor delivers another clever, tongue-in-cheek self-help that scoots deliciously close to the edge of offensive while delivering laughs and lessons for the beleagured mom and dad. Typical suggestions are both smarmy and smart: "You should be running the vacuum cleaner, turning the volume up on the radio, and having a dance party when your infants are napping, so that they won't startle awake when they hear a dog barking in the next county." She also warns of "ornate decor made exclusively for children," and what exactly to expect from a babysitter: "You will be lucky if the sitter is able to feed your child reheated pizza before putting him to bed with his clothes on." Another sharp bit of advice: get those kids reading books as soon as possible; it'll pay dividends in countless waiting rooms, cars and airports. And addressing the topic of the day, Mellor enthuses, "It's amazing how many ideal holiday destinations are...a ten-minute to a three-hour drive from home," provided "a little flexibility in one's definition of 'ideal.' " Further tips are set aside for plane travel, theme parks, holidays ("Santa moves in mysterious ways"), mealtimes and, of course, hosting a cocktail party ("Actually for Grown-Ups!").

May 28, 2007
In her latest guide to parenting under the influence (following The Three-Martini Playdate), Mellor delivers another clever, tongue-in-cheek self-help that scoots deliciously close to the edge of offensive while delivering laughs and lessons for the beleagured mom and dad. Typical suggestions are both smarmy and smart: "You should be running the vacuum cleaner, turning the volume up on the radio, and having a dance party when your infants are napping, so that they won't startle awake when they hear a dog barking in the next county." She also warns of "ornate décor made exclusively for children," and what exactly to expect from a babysitter: "You will be lucky if the sitter is able to feed your child reheated pizza before putting him to bed with his clothes on." Another sharp bit of advice: get those kids reading books as soon as possible; it'll pay dividends in countless waiting rooms, cars and airports. And addressing the topic of the day, Mellor enthuses, "It's amazing how many ideal holiday destinations are...a ten-minute to a three-hour drive from home," provided "a little flexibility in one's definition of 'ideal.' " Further tips are set aside for plane travel, theme parks, holidays ("Santa moves in mysterious ways"), mealtimes and, of course, hosting a cocktail party ("Actually for Grown-Ups!").

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