Children Are from Heaven

August 30, 1999
"All children are born innocent and good," asserts Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Getting them to cooperate is merely a matter of arousing their natural desire to please their parents, without breaking their fragile will in the process. Five skills of positive parenting induce cooperation, supported by their five underlying messages, one of which is the author's mantra: "It's o.k. to say no, but remember Mom and Dad are the bosses." In a synthesis of old-fashioned authoritarianism and modern psychological sensitivity ("soft love"), parents are urged to view a child's resistance as natural and healthy, and to listen, empathize and finally assert their authority firmly and unemotionally. If this approach sounds unrealistic, it certainly feels right in the context of Gray's penetrating (and often historically minded) psychological explanations. In the hypnotic style of a therapist, Gray gradually replaces parental advice with empathy, and an emphasis on obedience with an emphaisis on cooperation, supplying a new repertoire of one-liners and age-, gender- and temperament-specific suggestions along the way. While placing the entire responsibility for children's behavior on their parents' shoulders, this book essentially simplifies the business of parenting in order to enable children to grow into their strongest, most responsible selves.

The teaching genius of John Gray comes through nicely in this 1999 abridged version of JOHN GRAY'S POSITIVE PARENTING. He seamlessly matches principles with spot-on illustrations and charming personal experiences. Though he holds children accountable for their actions, he focuses on preserving a child's sense of security, which he believes is essential for children to make self-directed choices, rather than just complying begrudgingly with the demands of authority figures. He is eloquent about the differences between boys and girls and between children at different ages and points out crucial considerations for providing parenting structure and support. One of the best audio guides available on staying centered and effective as a parent. T.W. (c) AudioFile 2003, Portland, Maine