Fear the Barfitron

June 15, 2013
A blatant bid for the Goosebumps audience, with added gushes of vomit. Nerdy middle schooler Chris discovers that the old-age home at which he volunteers is populated by decrepit, bingo-loving vampires, werewolves and other monsters. As if that's not terrifying enough, the home is attacked by an army of cat-sized "sussuroblats," cockroaches with sharp teeth in drooling human mouths. The plot makes a convenient framework on which to hang tantalizing references to grease, farts, school-lunch items like "Salisbury Snake" and suchlike. They escalate into actual juicy burps, funky smells, cascades of phlegmy goo in decorator hues and encounters with the odd slimy tentacle or crunchy spider before the main attraction begins: hurling, and lots of it. As it turns out, learning that the butyric acid in vomit is death to sussuroblats, Chris and his buddies need only manage to lead them all into the local amusement park's dizzying Gravitron and have them spew all over each other to dissolve the threat. Easy peasy. Buckets full of gross, but are readers guano scoop up an entire series? Snot likely. (Gross-out horror. 10-12)

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