Invisible Men

August 22, 2011
Addis, a professor of psychology at Clark University who focuses on men’s mental health, offers a warm and accessible study of the causes and implications of emotional repression in men’s lives. Call it the “don’t talk about fight club” syndrome: given society’s pressures on men to hide pain, struggle, and depression, men’s inner lives remain, to their detriment, private. “How can men, as a group, be so audible, so visible, and in such positions of power in society,” Addis writes, “and yet, as individuals, feel so disempowered and experience vulnerability and inner pain that remain silent and invisible?” He offers practical questionnaires and exercises for both men and women to better understand the issue and improve communication with the men in their lives. Addis’s writing is pleasant and conversational, his research punctuated by endearing personal anecdotes. One involves a surprising, sincere discussion with a pizza deliveryman that ensues after Addis decides to experiment with the convention of responding to “How are you?” with “Fine.” He tells the deliveryman the truth. “I... stated honestly that, in fact, at this particular time, I was not doing so well. He looked me in the eyes and was silent for a moment. I could tell that he was surprised by my response. Then he looked down and said, ‘I know what you mean. My grandmother died yesterday.’ ” The two begin a dialogue that features the qualities of openness and trust that Addis would like to see in all conversations with and among men.

September 15, 2011

Another pop psychology book about the need for men to get in touch with their emotions and break the silence that keeps their fears hidden.

Addis (Psychology/Clark Univ.; co-author: Overcoming Depression One Step at a Time, 2004, etc.) draws on research interviews, conversations with former clients of his counseling practice and personal experiences to delineate the problem he sees as men's inability to recognize and speak out about their vulnerabilities. Anecdotes about men and their problems abound, making this an easy read. Keeping silent about their inner lives, writes Addis, is a survival strategy that boys adopt early in lives when they are learning to define themselves as masculine. Being silent about one's feelings is not an inherently masculine trait, but a learned one, and being more open does not mean becoming more feminine. The author's message about the silence and vulnerabilities of men and the harm that this can cause is directed toward women at least as much as toward men. Straightforward but somewhat repetitious chapters include questions for both sexes to ask themselves and exercises for both to perform, and simple charts and diagrams summarize his concepts. Addis counsels women, often the primary emotional caretakers of the men in their lives, to avoid "mothering," and instructs men in how to overcome their fears, take stock of their relationships and improve their friendships with other men. The penultimate chapter focuses on handling life's most stressful events: divorce, job loss, illness and death of a loved one—times when men may need help, even professional help, but are reluctant to seek it. In a weak final chapter, Addis looks briefly at the ways in which societal change can alleviate the problem—e.g., developing public policies that make men's well being a major social concern.

User-friendly self-help more likely to be read by a wife concerned about her husband's mental health than by the invisible man himself.

(COPYRIGHT (2011) KIRKUS REVIEWS/NIELSEN BUSINESS MEDIA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.)

October 1, 2011

Drawing from decades of research and clinical practice focused on men's mental health, Addis (psychology, Clark University) offers ample evidence of the negative consequences of socializing men to ignore or repress their feelings. The damage to men's physical and mental well-being, to their relationships, and to society as a whole, he argues, compels us to change how boys and men are raised and treated. Social learning and systems theories underlie the easy, nonthreatening strategies for addressing men's silence, and are designed for men as well as those who care about them. Each chapter is augmented by reference notes and an excellent summarization of the main points. The book concludes by making the case for addressing men's emotional invisibility as a public health issue with statistical links to school and societal violence, suicide and divorce rates, and addictions to drugs and alcohol. The volume could have been improved by a list of recommended readings. VERDICT Highly recommended for general readers and mental health professionals alike. Provides accessible rationales and strategies, based on extensive research and experience, for addressing this set of personal and societal issues.--Paula McMillen, Univ. of Nevada Lib., Las Vegas

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