Win or Learn

December 7, 2020
Advice columnist Cohen (The Naked Roommate) lays out strategies for turning negative outcomes into positive ones in this refreshing guide. In five steps—explore what one wants, get comfortable with the uncomfortable, set a direction and have patience, “tell your story as if it has already happened,” and reflect—Cohen helps readers articulate goals and develop ways to overcome road bumps. Cohen explains that the “universal rejection truth” means that no matter how one intends an action, “not everyone and everything will always respond to you the way you want.” He explains common reasons people experience rejection (such as “raw rejection,” due to an innate quality or character trait, and “rejection by circumstance,” due to factors independent of one’s makeup), provides checklists and prompts for readers to uncover ambitions, recommends finding “people and places” who will champion one’s goals, and using mentors and aspirational scripts (including mad-lib style exercises) to work toward those goals. Throughout, he shares examples of his rules in action, such as an underprivileged woman who found it difficult to afford college, but found “being poor can be great” after she met others who empathized and could help. Any self-help reader feeling stuck will find useful tips here.

December 1, 2020
Writing in the forthright style of a self-help book, seven-time author Cohen (The Naked Roommate, 2017) pulls no punches. Here his focus is on overcoming the rejection syndrome, a mindset that supports the "I just can't win--at anything" talk. Much of his advice centers on how he's overcome that feeling himself, though he does feature scenarios from a few other people from from time to time. It begins, he says, with accepting that not everything or everyone will respond to you in the way you want. The four other steps in the process include identifying what you want, thinking about how people/places/patience can help, and telling your story as if it already happened. Then celebrate, reflect, and repeat. Each step features an experiment (usually a question or two to answer) so readers can truly practice what Cohen's preaching. The occasionally difficult-to-digest narrative is accompanied by a wacky (and pleasing) sense of humor and self-deprecation ("Harlan Cohen has been rejected more times than most human beings," he writes).

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