Best Friends, Worst Enemies

Starred review from July 9, 2001
Not since Dr. Spock or Penelope Leach has there been such a sensitive and practical guide to raising healthy children—and this one doesn't end at potty training. Child therapists Thompson (coauthor of bestseller Raising Cain) and Cohen (Playful Parenting) have teamed up with Washington Post
columnist and children's writer Grace (all three are parents) to describe the social lives of kids and the appropriate roles of parents, teachers and school administrators. They explore the stages of children's development, from parent-bonded to quasi-asocial toddler, the learning-the-rules phase in elementary school and adolescent and romantic bonding. Each phase may bring some negative experiences—including some outright cruelty—that can be hard on both parents and children, but sometimes necessary for learning about the world. They advise parents to think of themselves as "lifeguards" at the pool, aware of what's going on with their kids, but only intervening in the rare crisis. The book wraps up on a practical note, with chapters on how schools can be proactive and how parents can be most useful. Their advice? Don't worry so much, set a good example, keep perspective and relax—most kids turn out okay. Thompson and Grace's breezy "we've all been there" anecdotal style will bring great comfort to any parents who're worried about their kid's social life—in other words, any parent. (Sept.)Forecast:The planned 12-city author tour and print advertising in the
New York Times and
USA Today will yield big sales, supported by the strength of Thompson's name and Grace's media connections.

August 3, 2001
Bullying has become an area of concern in the media and society. This book discusses that topic but weaves it into a broader study of children's friendships. Thompson, a clinical psychologist and coauthor of Raising Cain; Grace, an author of children's books and a former columnist for the Washington Post; and psychologist Cohen (Playful Parenting) present a developmental perspective as they describe how children's social lives develop from toddlerhood to adolescence. Research and analysis are interspersed with personal anecdotes and vignettes in an engaging style. The book concludes with advice to teachers and parents on how to improve social life in schools and support children's friendships. This is not a formulaic, how-to book. As the authors themselves acknowledge, the best way to learn about friendship is to practice it. However, it does provide useful perspective on a critical aspect of adolescent development, which tends to be overlooked until schoolyard feuds erupt into violent confrontations. The book may also be reassuring to parents since it outlines information on current dating styles, acceptable ranges of friendship patterns, and normal gender differences in interpersonal relationships. Recommended for public library parenting collections to complement Charlene C. Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese's more narrowly focused Cliques: 8 Steps To Help Your Child Survive the Social Jungle (LJ 2/1/01). Antoinette Brinkman, M.L.S., Evansville, IN

Copyright 2001 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

July 1, 2001
Why are children so mean to each other? Why is it so important to them to be popular? How can they be so loyal to their friends one moment and so treacherous the next? Thompson, the coauthor of "Raising Cain "(1999)," "takes on the subject of children's social lives in this fascinating book that will make parents alternately laugh and cry as they recognize their children and themselves as youngsters. This time, Thompson joins with another psychologist and a children's book author--all parents--to explore the reasons children behave as they do in relationships and offer advice on how parents can help them navigate friendships from childhood through adolescence. The authors present touching, sometimes tragic, anecdotes on everything from the typical childhood cruelties of bullies, teasing, and clique formation to the tight bonds of true friendship to investigate how children form and maintain relationships. They also examine the differences between friendship and popularity and give practical insight to parents on the complex social lives of children. Parents will treasure this book. (Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2001, American Library Association.)