Breakup Bootcamp

November 16, 2020
Chan, founder of the Renew Breakup Bootcamp retreats, debuts with the inspiring account of how a devastating breakup became a catalyst for her to help others heal. Chan establishes an immediate connection to anyone who has been unlucky in love: “It’s never about the ex. It’s always about the recycled pain.” In addition to stories of breakups—hers and those of the women who attend her boot camps—Chan offers advice on how to “live better, learn more,” and practice self-love so readers can thrive in future relationships. She covers the reasons breakups hurt (usually because one is caught in “linear model” of “date, move in, get married, have kids, stay together forever”), shame, self-compassion, and the stages of grief and separation. To move on from romantic difficulties, she recommends readers figure out their personality category—the career-oriented “overachiever,” perfectionist “superhuman,” relationships-oriented “pleaser,” the romantically pessimistic “jaded,” or the validation-craving “addict”—and consciously steer away from destructive triggers and behaviors. Chan also challenges the idea of soul mates and places some of the blame of unrealistic expectations in dating on fairy tales and romanticism. Those seeking comfort and proactive ways to overcome heartbreak will relish Chan’s upbeat advice.

December 1, 2020

Romantic heartbreak plunges us into grief, pain, and dysregulation. We cannot stop the chemical reactions that happen with heartbreak, but we can use our understanding of emotional pain to help ourselves in the moment as well as make healthier choices for our hearts in the future. Chan (founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp) channeled her own bumpy road of pain into a journey of growth, meaning, and service to others with her breakup retreats, which help women use science-backed information to heal from heartbreak. Now, Chan has placed the best of her retreats into a book for a wider audience. The cornerstone of healing is acknowledging emotions and supporting oneself while the attachment wanes. Once the acute pain recedes, the breakup is a call to awakening, reframing harsh messages we tell ourselves, determining key values, establishing healthy guardrails for future relationships, and creating scenarios in our lives where we are not losing ourselves in unhealthy patterns. Practical exercises, breaking down research into accessible explanations, and chapter endnotes for further reading make Chan's work an enlightening one. VERDICT An accessible and useful book geard toward women heartbroken by romantic loss.--Jennifer M. Schlau, Elgin Community Coll., IL

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