But I Love Him

April 15, 2011

A disturbing reverse chronology of first romance gone horribly wrong.

Ann regains consciousness on her bedroom floor, bruised and bloodied, one wrist broken, and reflects on the past year. How did her loving, thoughtful boyfriend Connor transform into this unpredictable, violent monster? It seems impossible to reconcile Connor's two sides, but as readers follow Ann's mental snapshots, working backward from one August to another, they will unearth clue after red-flag–raising clue pointing toward Connor's poorly controlled anger and borderline-suicidal feelings of worthlessness and Ann's own desperate desire to be needed and loved. When these two damaged, yearning souls connect, their problems simmer, then boil over into a foul brew of codependency and isolation from everyone who might help them. The parental characters are stock—Connor's parents are locked in a years-long abusive dance, while Ann's mother is still so lost in grief over her husband's death that she hasn't said "I love you" to Ann in three years—but Ann and Connor are more finely drawn than expected, inhabiting every shade of hope, despair, confusion, ecstasy, longing, rage and guilt with heartbreaking realism. Although Grace's efforts surpass Jennifer Brown's Bitter End (2011), they fall victim to the cliché that only emotionally scarred young women are drawn to abusive young men.

Flawed, but powerful and compulsively readable. (Fiction. 14-18)

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May 1, 2011
Grades 8-12 This beautifully written and wholly believable story of a young woman in an abusive relationship comes with an intriguing and effective structure, starting with the present day and a brutal attack that leads Ann to examine, in dated flashback entries, the steps that led to her current battered state. A star athlete and gifted student, Ann falls for Connor, who has spent his life protecting his mother from his violent father. Over the course of a year, Ann cuts off contacts, drops out of track, moves in with Connor, and puts her own plans on hold as she struggles to try and help him deal with the fallout from his own abused and abusive childhood. Heartbreaking but ultimately hopeful, this is a riveting read that has the power to help young women in Anns situation. This novel is a departure for Gracewho has written light, frothy tween novels under the name Mandy Hubbardand marks her as a voice to watch in YA fiction.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2011, American Library Association.)