Sync Your Relationship, Save Your Marriage

March 21, 2011
Clinical psychologist and family therapist Fraenkel examines an oft-explored question (how to make the modern marriage work?) with a unique approach: music. Drawing from his own experience as a jazz percussionist, Fraenkel (The Relational Trauma of Incest, with Marcia Sheinberg) considers time and rhythm key components to the successful relationship. "You can't understand your anger with your partner until you realize the huge, underlying differences in your pace, your tempoâthat what's angering you is how slowly he gets things done around the house, while he feels frustrated that you're always trying to complete tasks at the speed of light." What may have worked during courtship (having unique personalities or conflicting schedules) can cause problems in the long haul. In simple terms, Fraenkel offers a handful of methods for re-tooling and strengthen connections, and reminds readers that we need to learn to listen as well as we talk. We also need to receive and give compliments. And, just as "everyone in a band gets a solo," we need to learn how to balance individuality and togetherness. A welcome take on a well-trod topic in an increasingly crowded field.