Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing

February 15, 2021
A collection of interconnected essays from a woman who has lived a wide variety of lives. In her debut, Austin-based writer Hough, "born in Germany and raised in seven countries and West Texas," probes an identity she once hid behind stories that made her "better at lying than...at telling the truth." As the daughter of parents who followed the Children of God cult around the world, Hough joined the Air Force as a teenager, in part to prove an Americanness she never felt strongly. She revealed little about her background to military colleagues and described her parents as "missionaries." The author did not especially like the Air Force, but the military and cult life seemed oddly similar. Like military members, the Children of God traveled all over the world and had to follow strict rules. Too often, Hough often found herself targeted for being different--"too loud, too quiet, too stubborn, too masculine"--and during her time in the Air Force, she received death threats for being gay. She eventually left the military and began to live as an openly gay woman in Washington, D.C., only to find she did not fit in with the "happy well adjusted" members of the LGBTQ+ community she met. Instead, Hough lived a hand-to-mouth existence that resembled her impoverished childhood. Yet the old need to fit in drove her to eventually live the American dream, and she "scraped and saved" enough to buy a suburban home and attempted to care about "football and video games." Only when she began to write and allow herself to be who she was did she realize she wanted no part of the "[cult of] normal" she had sought all her life. This thoughtful, occasionally meandering book explores the shaping power of the past and also raises provocative questions about what really constitutes a cult. An edgy and unapologetic memoir in essays.

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March 1, 2021
Hough expands on her viral 2018 HuffPost essay, ""I Was a Cable Guy. I Saw the Worst of America,"" in her book debut, an honest and thought-provoking memoir in essays. Joining the Air Force during the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" era, Hough hid that she was a lesbian. While it was frightening that she may be outed at any moment, Hough was an experienced liar. She told people a variety of stories about where she grew up, all partially true as her family moved extensively following The Children of God cult. She tells her officer that she is gay after receiving threats and having her car torched, and is honorably discharged but fumbles through life with a myriad of jobs and girlfriends. Hough's story is often painful, including homelessness and a brief stint in jail, and her time in the cult is horrifying, but her candid and direct writing makes for engrossing reading, and jolts of humor provide levity. Her story is not one readers often see, and it deserves a wide audience.

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Starred review from April 1, 2021

In a series of personal essays, Hough details her life's traumatic experiences, addressing subjects such as poverty, mental illness, class, and sexism. Raised in a doomsday cult called the Children of God, Hough recounts her everyday shame and terror from mental, sexual, and physical abuse, especially by her stepfather. Hough recalls how, as an adult, she struggled to adapt to society outside the cult and form friendships. Her writing is candid and harrowing as she describes a life of reinvention--joining the Air Force during the era of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, grappling with her sexuality, having unfulfilling sex with men, and being unsure how to approach women in gay bars. She recounts receiving death threats and being court martialed by the Air Force for speaking out. Although found not guilty, she realizes that the military will always perceive her as an outsider. Moving from one chapter to the next, Hough recalls being raped while in the military, and living with PTSD and depression. Her experience of the daily struggles of surviving low-paying jobs will resonate with readers. VERDICT Although presented in essay format, this reads as a poignant, gripping memoir. A page-turning account of belonging and not belonging, and what it means to start over.--Chris Wilkes, Tazewell Cty. P.L., VA

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