If I Disappear

October 2, 2020

After a divorce and a miscarriage, thirtysomething Sera Fleece is adrift, obsessive, and agoraphobic. When the host of her favorite true-crime podcast vanishes, she packs up and heads for podcaster Rachel's home in the wilds of Northern California. It is a ramshackle guest ranch and her family is a wild bunch, wary of strangers, gun-toting, rednecked, and angry. Sera hires on as a hand on the ranch in hopes of finding clues to Rachel's whereabouts, but all she finds is trouble. Rachel's mother is suspicious of Sera's friendship with Jeb, the other hired hand. The harder she searches for clues to Rachel's disappearance the deeper she is sucked into their strange behaviors and lifestyle. Their motivations are all questionable and there doesn't seem to be a single adult among them. Sera could just walk away from this mixed-up bunch, but strangely, she does not. Her obsession with Rachel is too overwhelming, and the denouement, which should be spine-tingling, is just sad. VERDICT Brazier, who writes YA novels as Eliza Wass, debuts a fast-paced, slightly scary adult thriller that oozes with obsession and maladjustment yet does not meet the standard set by the likes of Ruth Ware, Gillian Flynn, or S.J. Paris.--Susan Clifford Braun, Bainbridge Island, WA

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October 26, 2020
YA author Brazier (The Life and Death Parade as Eliza Wass) makes her adult debut with a gripping psychological thriller. As Sera Fleece’s life disintegrates post-divorce, she becomes increasingly obsessed with a true crime podcast hosted by Rachel Bard, who focuses on the disappearances of young women. Then Rachel vanishes, a turn of events that shakes Sera out of her lassitude and sends her to Rachel’s hometown in Northern California, where she is determined to use the podcasts’ lessons to find the missing podcast host. From Sera’s first glimpse of the remote guest ranch Rachel’s parents run, there’s a palpable sense of menace. Strangely, neither the senior Bards nor their ruggedly handsome ranch hand appear overly worried about Rachel, and tight-lipped townsfolk warn Sera to get out—fast. Despite a hairpin final turn that’s far more startling than satisfying, this novel poses some provocative questions concerning women’s roles and the risk of “disappearing” if those roles are defied. Blending the true crime compulsion of Michelle McNamara’s I’ll Be Gone in the Dark with the immersive creepy-craziness of Gillian Flynn’s Sharp Objects, Brazier creates a heady, pitch-dark cocktail all her own. Agent: Sarah Bedingfield, Levine Greenberg Rostan Literary.

November 1, 2020
When a true-crime podcaster disappears, her biggest fan sets out to find her. After a miscarriage and a divorce, Sera Fleece feels like she's "wrong in the world" and that if she were to disappear, no one would miss her. She's slowly unraveling. Rachel Bard's podcast, Murder, She Spoke, which Sera is obsessed with, keeps her from coming apart completely. When the podcast abruptly stops, with no updates on social media, Sera becomes convinced something bad has happened to Rachel and decides to put the investigation skills she learned from the podcast to work. Using bits and pieces of personal information revealed on the podcast, Sera makes her way to Fountain Creek Guest Ranch in Northern California, owned by Rachel's family. Arriving at the remote ranch, she realizes she needs a good story, so she pretends she's looking for work. Luckily, she knows how to handle horses, and Rachel's larger-than-life mother, Addy, hires her as head wrangler. This is an opportunity for Sera to investigate, and she soon notices a palpable strangeness at the ranch. There are no guests or internet access, the horses aren't healthy, and Addy thinks Rachel might have been killed by a dangerous gang that roams the borders of their land. It only gets weirder. Sera discovers that more women have disappeared from Fountain Creek, and she's not sure whom she can trust. Even Jed, the handsome cowboy she falls for, seems to be hiding something. Sera's urgent narration often takes on an uneasy, dreamlike quality and is directed solely to Rachel, who's addressed as "you." Sera eventually finds within herself a courage and resolve she didn't know she possessed: She can't leave until she finds Rachel, even when her instincts tell her to run. Snippets from Rachel's podcast precede each chapter, heightening and building the uneasy narrative all the way to a none-too-tidy finale. A disquieting and distinctly creepy debut.

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December 17, 2020
When her favorite true-crime podcaster, Rachel Ward, abruptly stops posting new content, an adrift young woman becomes convinced Rachel is in danger and resolves to track her down using skills culled from obsessive podcast listening. Rachel Ward is smart, charismatic, and confident, everything Sera isn't, and Sera's search is part rescue mission and part desperate attempt at finding a sense of purpose. In this disquieting read, Brazier makes great use of setting, an isolated off-season campsite with plenty of room to bury a body or two. The first-person perspective, brimming with self-loathing and paranoia, only ups the sense of anxiety--although having the narration directed toward an unnamed ""you"" is a sometimes annoying device. In addition, promising threads concerning societal pressures and our need for human connection are abandoned in favor of plot twists and a shock ending that doesn't shock. Still, this is a good choice for true-crime fans and will also appeal to those who favor mysteries with a dark tone.

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