Mid-Life Ex-Wife

March 13, 2017
Finding herself suddenly single at 50 after her husband left her for another woman, Grey, a columnist for the Guardian (whose columns are the basis for the book), started online dating and quickly went from novice to expert, getting an emotionally turbulent education that she renders with unabashed honesty. Deciding to eschew the advice of friends, she created a lengthy, detailed profile, didn’t lie about her age or her looks, and tried to hold firm to her “take me as I am” attitude. Many of the men Grey encountered were sexist and ageist, carelessly tossing off hurtful, rude, and immature responses before passing her over in hopes of dating women 20 years their junior. She did go on dates with some decent prospects and also fielded offers for no-strings hook-ups with much younger guys. Grey was interested in long-term companionship but discovered that it’s elusive in the online dating arena, where people often seem to be wrong about what makes for lasting relationships; for example, many believe that a spark of attraction . Grey offers much-needed perspective on the struggles of starting over again and dating later in life. Rather than wallow in self-pity or anger, she infuses the highs and lows with welcome warmth and optimism.

March 1, 2017
One woman's adventures in the online dating scene.When her husband of many years abruptly left her for another woman, Grey (a pseudonym), in her early 50s, went through the stages of grief and denial before finally admitting she needed to find another man to fill the emptiness in her heart. Not knowing where else to look, she turned to the numerous online dating sites to find a possible mate, filling out questionnaires, attaching photographs, and launching into the project with gusto, enthusiasm, and a sense of humor. What she discovered over the course of two-plus years of reading profiles, connecting via email, Skype, texting, and in-person dates unfolds in a genuinely human story of needs, wants, dreams, hopes, humor, and shock. Grey was unprepared for the men interested only in sex in all its forms: in real life, in sexting, in Skyping. She was also not ready for the instant rejections she received based on her profile, lengthy emails, and visuals of her ample body, and she was ill-equipped for the heart-pounding reality of meeting yet another stranger, falling briefly for him, only to discover he was another dud. As the author persisted in her pursuit of finding love again, she discovered a lot about herself, which helped her dismiss the bottom feeders and otherwise creepy men, but it left her no closer to finding a life companion. Direct, sincere, humiliating, and oftentimes funny, Grey's dalliances with countless men will have readers shaking their heads, shouting, 'no, don't do it, ' while cheering her on with shared optimism as she ventures out yet again into the midlife dating fray. Any single person contemplating the use of online dating sites would do well to read Grey's account for what to do and not to do and what to expect from these matchmaking endeavors. A frank, guileless, and useful account of a 50-something's search for love through online dating services.

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April 15, 2017

What and why women want persist as questions that intrigue or nag, depending on who's asking. Here, three memoirists write about what they want and how they figured out how to get it.

Beset by tearful miseries and strong yearnings at age 44, journalist and critic Dederer (Poser) set out to determine what was happening to her--and why. In search of the reason for her erotic jump-start, she digs out her youthful diaries and revisits the Seattle of her sexy, "pirate girl" teenage years as well as the Oberlin of her angst-ridden college years and several other (literal and figurative) hot spots from her past. In unvarnished prose, she unravels the threads holding together the domesticated wife-mother-writer-persona she had assembled and examines the woman, formerly wild child, underneath. Her elegantly structured, expansive, and unapologetic account captures the sense of one woman's self about as honestly as it is possible to do on a page.

Grey, a pseudonymous British columnist for the Guardian, documents her experiment in online dating after her unexpected, unpleasant, and unwanted midlife divorce. Determined to achieve coupledom again via the matchmaking powers of online dating, she endures years of inaccurate profiles, deceptive photography, misleading emails, disappointing first dates, awkward sex, and requests of an extremely personal nature involving Skype. Grey's report of her odyssey through the world of men thought to be appropriate for her is hilarious and detailed. She kisses her way through a whole house full of frogs in search of a prince and, luckily for her readers, keeps notes on the process. Woven throughout the chronology, however, are strands of dating fatigue and skepticism about the process as a whole. After all, she reasons, would a dating website have suggested her polar-opposite type parents to each other?

Nevins, a veteran documentary producer and president of HBO Documentary Films, presents a series of essays, poems, and brief sketches intended to capture her more than 50 years working in the media industry. The 77-year-old author is coy about whether or not she is the featured character in the pieces yet promises that all of the stories she tells are true, even if she is hiding behind other names. She discusses topics as disparate as how a "Cosmo girl" style evolved into something less dependent upon the trading of sexual favors in the workplace, to the guilt heaped upon working mothers by others (including other women, and in one comic case, a hamster). Her tone is conversational and her powers of observation sharp, whether discussing the terrors of waiting for a mammogram or skewering a philandering male.VERDICT Grey's and Nevins's titles will appeal to anyone in similar circumstances, but Dederer's memoir speaks eloquently to questions all women have.--Thérèse Purcell Nielsen, Huntington P.L., NY

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