Lessons in Belonging from a Church-Going Commitment Phobe

December 8, 2014
Upon moving to Durham, N.C., Lane seeks a family of faith apart from the church her husband pastors. Studying her desires, conflicts, questions, and choices during the process, she settles with reservations on a separate congregation. The author, who works at the Center for Courage and Renewal, a nonprofit that helps people discover their life’s work, describes herself as “an anthropologist of belonging, studying its customs in the lives of friends and strangers.” Considering her millennial generation, she writes, “For many of us the church has become—like marriage—another institution in which we have high hopes but little confidence.” Lane offers a mix of memoir, self-examination, cultural analysis, scriptural reflection, and an outline of church basics for the uninitiated (explanations of the Eucharist and baptism). While the text occasionally becomes over-analytical, vignettes of her husband, mother, friends, acquaintances, and strangers from various stages of her life provide storytelling relief. Parker Palmer, for whom Lane works at the Center, writes a foreword, and an addendum offers additional questions for reflection.