Mother of My Mother

March 29, 1999
In Motherless Daughters, her bestselling study of the psychological impact of a daughter's loss of her mother, Edelman explored the terrain of grief and recovery. In this work, she expands her focus to include grandmothers and the love/hate relationships that can form between the three generations, drawing on her own interviews with 70 granddaughters, and her survey of 186 more, as well as the work of psychologists and sociologists who study intergenerational dynamics. The result is slightly choppy, as the narrative jumps from scientific findings about bonding, self-esteem and matriarchal power in American society to memoir sequences in which Edelman's grandmother and mother are either enraged at each other or giggling like schoolgirls. Edelman is at her best illuminating the complexity of girls' and women's feelings toward their mothers and grandmothers. She identifies four major types of matriarchs (for example, "The Gentle Giant," "The Autocrat," or "Kinkeeper") and shows that many are combinations of all these roles. Her narrative of how her feelings toward her grandmother evolved from unconditional devotion to wary reticence reveals the way that family loyalties can shift for girls and adolescents, and may reassure those who experience guilt over severed or frayed family connections. Edelman's good intentions and insights make this a worthwhile read for any woman who has ever viewed her family dynamic as both minefield and saving grace. Agent, Elizabeth Kaplan. Author tour.