Give Sorrow Words

January 1, 1996
Following the death of his only child, Gretchen, in an apartment fire, the author found himself unconsoled by the often simplistic responses to death and mourning of both traditional Christianity and New Age spirituality. So he set out, instead, to find more meaningful words in the world's literature, from Shakespeare to Dostoyevski and Eliot. Taking Macbeth's edict to "give sorrow words" for "the grief that does not speak/ Whispers the o'er fraught heart and bids it break," as his credo, Crider began a yearlong journal of recovery in which he sought understanding, consolation and healing in the company of a wide range of stories and poems about death and hope. In simple but elegant prose, he bares his soul and shares his journey eschewing the self-conscious spiritual posing of writers like M. Scott Peck to offer, instead, an excruciatingly honest and textured account of a hard spiritual and emotional journey.

April 15, 1996
Both authors have lost young adult daughters: Crider's daughter died in a fire, and Cosman's was shot by an acquaintance. Both fathers were prosperous professionals, and both daughters were happily pursuing their dreams when they unexpectedly died. Now the fathers have written very personal narratives of their grieving experiences. Crider, who drew the title for his book from Macbeth, offers the more sophisticated, even occasionally self-indulgent, of the two books. Presented in a journal format, it differs from most narratives of this type in his grappling with the eschatological dilemmas of his nonbelief in the Judeo-Christian tradition. Though the reader will empathize with his grief, Crider's sometimes awkward style--he frequently shifts from first- to third-person--can be distracting. Cosman's journal also addresses his disbelief in traditional religious explanations of injustice and death. Because he is dealing with a violent loss, he addresses other issues of broad concern today. In addition, he uses biographical information from his own childhood to clarify the evolution of his beliefs, making this telling of his journey through the grieving process far more readable. Similar to Ruth Coughlin's Grieving: A Love Story (Random, 1993), these books are neither instructional nor inspirational but are personal journals meant to provide solace via feelings of solidarity. Libraries with little or nothing on the subject should also consider more practical guides such as Candy Lightner's Giving Sorrow Words: How To Cope with Grief and Get on with Life (Warner, 1991) or Helen Fitzgerald's The Mourning Handbook (LJ 9/15/94).--A. Arro Smith, San Marcos P.L., Tex.