The Available Parent

May 30, 2011
Duffy's advice for parenting adolescents springs from radical optimism, a form of practical spirituality that recommends being open and available to the possibility of change, essentially exchanging fear and the need to control for hope and positive results. Duffy challenges parents to stop micromanaging and judging their kids and instead acknowledge and accept them the way they are, respect their boundaries and abilities, and let them know they have the power to master their own world. Only then can parents be truly available to provide discipline, direction, understanding, and love in an environment that fosters competence and resilience. Rather than focusing on the child's behavior, parents must look to their own, check their egos, and "be the change"âthat familiar self-help axiom. Part Two is especially straightforward because it explicitly lists what never works and why parents ought to stop lecturing, snooping, underestimating, judging, smothering, coddling, overindulging, bribing, playing good cop/bad cop, and waiting. This short book has plenty of sidebars, tips, dialogue, and anecdotes about difficult situations and how unconditional love and an "I'm here for you" message may help some adults help their teens, and, at the same time, ease their anxiety about being good parents. Although there really is nothing new, this book will show some overwhelmed parents how to calm down, let go somewhat, and maybe even enjoy being with their teens and tweens.