The Available Parent

May 30, 2011
Duffy's advice for parenting adolescents springs from radical optimism, a form of practical spirituality that recommends being open and available to the possibility of change, essentially exchanging fear and the need to control for hope and positive results. Duffy challenges parents to stop micromanaging and judging their kids and instead acknowledge and accept them the way they are, respect their boundaries and abilities, and let them know they have the power to master their own world. Only then can parents be truly available to provide discipline, direction, understanding, and love in an environment that fosters competence and resilience. Rather than focusing on the child's behavior, parents must look to their own, check their egos, and "be the change"âthat familiar self-help axiom. Part Two is especially straightforward because it explicitly lists what never works and why parents ought to stop lecturing, snooping, underestimating, judging, smothering, coddling, overindulging, bribing, playing good cop/bad cop, and waiting. This short book has plenty of sidebars, tips, dialogue, and anecdotes about difficult situations and how unconditional love and an "I'm here for you" message may help some adults help their teens, and, at the same time, ease their anxiety about being good parents. Although there really is nothing new, this book will show some overwhelmed parents how to calm down, let go somewhat, and maybe even enjoy being with their teens and tweens.

June 1, 2011

Raising a teenager can be just as much of an emotional roller coaster as being a teenager, but clinical psychologist, certified life coach and parenting expert Duffy assures parents that it doesn't have to be such a turbulent ride for either party.

In his debut, the author insists that teens can be as endearing and lovable as they were before turning 13, as long as parents remain available. Among myriad other saintly qualities, the available parent is "unconditionally loving and accepting, and open to new and different ways of thinking...neither cruel nor dismissive." Blending self-reflective exercises for parents with words of wisdom from teens and parents whom Duffy has counseled throughout his career, the author raises valid points about the benefits of being an available parent and offers valuable insight into the unique psyche of a teenager. Duffy dedicates an excessive amount of focus to describing why lecturing, overindulging and other obviously ineffective techniques do not work. The author's objective may be to educate parents on how to monitor and maximize the quality of their interaction with their teens, but despite admitting that he has the "luxury of objectivity" as a therapist, his neatly resolved counseling sessions are narrated with a somewhat self-satisfied air. This is particularly apparent when the author recounts his success rehabilitating apathetic teens, simply by bonding over music or admiring artwork they never showed their parents.

Idealistically implies that available parents will unfailingly raise well-adjusted teens, and fails to offer comprehensive strategies for tackling the more complex problems that teens and parents often face.

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