Fear and Other Uninvited Guests

The writer of many useful mental health guides says that anxiety, fear, and shame can paralyze us if we don't understand these feelings. But we can become unparalyzed by being proactive, speaking up, thinking positively, and being alert to negative feelings about the self that impose limitations and inhibit healthy interpersonal behavior. Negative emotions can be used to clarify our experiences and promote self-understanding. The key is not being on the defensive and developing more productive and self-affirming emotional patterns. Few guides to emotional functioning have the depth of understanding offered by this therapist, who seems as knowledgeable about the workings of the psyche as she is about formulating real-world coping strategies. T.W. (c) AudioFile 2005, Portland, Maine

May 1, 2004
"No one is immune to the grip of anxiety, fear and shame--the 'big three' that muck up our lives, "observes Lerner (The Dance of Deception; The Dance of Anger). But such emotions shouldn't be crippling, she says. Instead, the psychologist and relationship expert suggests studying the pros and cons of these inevitable feelings. For example, anxiety over hurting a friend's feelings can keep us from bluntly offering unsolicited advice, or, at the other extreme, keep us from speaking up about something we feel passionate about. In conversational and often witty prose, amply dotted with personal anecdotes, Lerner advises readers how to achieve a balance between healthy and life-consuming fears over rejection, public speaking, body image and physical suffering, among others. In a chapter devoted entirely to"Your Anxious Workplace," the author shares her pain on discovering that her co-workers considered her a"problem"--her personnel file was fat with complaints about her attitude toward paperwork and tense relationship with other psychologists. Breaking down the office"system," she realized that she was an"underfunctioning" part, adding stress and creating opportunities for"overfunctioning" staff to both save and resent her. To confront fears, Lerner suggests stepping back and taking responsibility, thoughtfully considering the issue and engaging rather than disconnecting with the surrounding world. Readers looking for a"quick fix" will not find it here (Lerner purposely sidesteps any oversimplified solutions to conquering fear); rather, they will find a mindful and highly readable meditation.

January 1, 2004
Now that you've done The Dance of Anger (not so hard, as there are two million copies in print).

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