Everybody Marries the Wrong Person

August 16, 2010
With this debut, Meinecke positions herself in the tradition of best-sellers like Freakonomics and Stumbling on Happiness. Starting with the bold statement – "You married the wrong person and your spouse did, too" – the practicing psychologist debunks clichés, conventional wisdom, and wishful thinking about what constitutes a successful relationship. In the grip of infatuation, we overlook faults, only to wake up to the dismaying reality that our beloved is far from perfect. This danger point, Meinecke warns, often arrives in the first four years of marriage, causing partners to become convinced that they should have said "I don't." She counsels readers not to fall into the "f you love me, you will change" trap, instead focusing on a partner's strengths. She also warns against the pop-psychology practice of correcting a partner's shortcomings by pitching a fit, arguing that fighting is not only counterproductive, but unhealthy. To have relationship success, "we must learn not to fight and to constructively manage our angry feelings." Meinecke's approach to achieving a "dynamic and rational, uniquely satisfying" modern marriage is an upbeat reality check.

July 1, 2010
The bad news, according to licensed psychologist Meinecke, is that both husband and wife are in the same boat. The next 200-plus pages tell the reader what to do about it. The author first dispels 20 marital myths (e.g., there's one right person for everyone; if you love me, you will change) and recommends a way of being what she calls the "self-responsible spouse." However, getting from here to there involves recognizing a series of red flags, unhealthy tactics, and a wealth of taking another's point of view. Worthwhile, but a little overwhelming.

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