A Breath Too Late

March 15, 2020
After shattering her life, a girl finds the healing in the shards. Seventeen-year-old Ellie Walker woke to the silence of her oppressive life on Sunset Street with her abusive father and battered mother and headed to school, blasting music to make the world go away--only to face the reality of her own death by suicide the previous night. Ellie struggles to recall most of her memories, but as her specter observes the grief left in the wake of her death, her memories are triggered chronologically. It's only through them that she can piece together what led up to that tragic night. A bystander in death, Ellie begins to notice the small things that often went overlooked in the moment, such as promises long forgotten, and the love others have for her, including August, the light-hearted, goofy boy who makes her dream in color, and her mother, who she thought was broken and whom she had given up on. This epistolary novel told from Ellie's perspective details the raw reality of life's darkest moments but shows where to look for the bright spots. Callen's sharp, poignant writing depicts the events leading up to and following Ellie's suicide without romanticizing either it or her depression. In this debut, the author also honestly examines the effect that abuse has and how hard it can be to escape. All characters are white. A memorable, hopeful story of regret. (author's note, resources) (Fiction. 14-18)

COPYRIGHT(2020) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

May 1, 2020

Gr 8 Up-Sandwiched between a trigger warning and a list of hotlines, this raw and tragic debut opens with its narrator's inexplicit suicide and goes on to a detailed account of how years of physical and psychological abuse spiraled into depression and finally despair. In semi-epistolary chapters addressed mostly to cowed, bruised Momma and her estranged but loving friend, August, but also to her twisted father, her growing depression, the sky, death, and other eidolons, Ellie recalls incidents marking the slow disappearance of joy and color from her world. Her father's threats and beatings combined with the influence of her terror-stricken home life have overwhelmed any hopes of escape except one. But the story's overall tone is one of profound regret, as in the aftermath of her death Ellie revisits past moments of joy, catches a glimpse of what might have been with August, and also witnesses her mother making the 911 call that at last promises an end to the violence. "I let go too soon," Ellie heartbreakingly concludes, realizing "a breath too late" that among life's broken, ugly shards, hope and promise remain. VERDICT "This novel isn't about happy endings," the author writes. But if it falls into the hands of teens similarly on the edge, it may create some.-John Peters, Children's Literature Consultant, New York

Copyright 2020 School Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.