Grandmothering

A wide-ranging look at the world of grandmothers and grandmothering. Berger (The Developing Person Through the Life Span, 10th Ed., 2017, etc.) is a personal, in-depth examination of the many roles that female grandparents can fulfill in a world of overmanaged children with so-called helicopter parents.Grandmothers, she notes, make the "gears of a family mesh...in harmony": "They help babies sleep, toddlers eat, preschoolers read, school children study, adolescents find themselves, and young adults become happy and successful." This wasn't always the case; as the author points out, "As recently as 1970, half the world's population was under age 22."Due to a wide variety of factors, including better nutrition, advances in health care, and dropping birth rates, this is no longer true; now "There are many more grandmothers, and many fewer grandchildren, than in prior generations." In order to help these grandmothers smoothly acclimate to modern family dynamics, Berger offers them humorous, insightful, and often richly autobiographical advice. However, anybody who has living grandparents will find the book compelling as well. She offers useful tips on being a supportive aide to a pregnant granddaughter (or granddaughter-in-law), and on being a reliable source of infant-rearing help. Berger also addresses urgent situations in which a grandparent's intervention may become necessary. In general, though, she advocates being a "steady anchor" for parents and grandchildren--both intimately connected and "above the fray," while offering invaluable support. Any reader who's been blessed with a wonderful grandmother may find such notions to be self-evident, but Berger shores up her observations with anecdotes and a great deal of engaging research. Her advice to grandmothers is equally specific, smartly advising them of behaviors to embrace and avoid ("Text, don't call"). A valuable, compassionate consideration of female elders' work and worth.

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January 6, 2020
Berger (The Developing Person), a developmental psychologist, mother of four, and grandmother of three, offers a helpful guide to being a grandparent that is jam-packed with useful ideas. Early on, Berger provides historical context to the role grandmothers have played—increasing childhood survival rates, for example, by being available to care for children. She also poses, and answers, some big questions: “What are grandmothers for?” and “Are grandmothers now superfluous?” The meat of the book covers 27 lessons, grouped according to the period in a grandchild’s life at which they’re relevant. Lessons range from common sense (“Lesson 1: Keep Comments to Yourself”) to more complex issues (“Lesson 6: Build Relationships Carefully” or “Lesson 13: Avoid Assumptions”). Berger does not avoid tough topics, touching on divorce, suicide, drugs, sex, and plenty of situations that produce conflict. A myriad of quotes from grandmothers help bring the book’s lessons to life, while cartoons and charts also convey Berger’s messages. This is an exceedingly well-researched book—the length of the notes and bibliography sections reflects that—and a useful guide to grandmothers (and those soon to be) looking for a way to navigate unfamiliar waters.

November 15, 2019
Grandmother does not always know best. She can and should offer help and support, but she shouldn't overstep. As a developmental psychologist, teacher, and, yes, a grandma, Berger encourages older women with beloved little ones in their lives to get involved but to follow the parents' lead and to keep quiet. She notes that famed anthropologist Margaret Mead said at least half the people she had studied around the world would prefer to have at least one jungle between themselves and their mother-in-law. Reassuringly, Berger admits that she struggled to practice what she preaches. At one point, when all four of her own kids were adults with no apparent pregnancy plans, and one daughter and her husband got a puppy, Berger blurted out, Oh, no. Now you will not have a baby! Throughout her how-to-be-a-good-grandmother primer, she shares 27 lessons. They include help with education, which can mean riding a subway to school with a grandchild, and learn technology, which can include Skype visits and Facebook friendships. This is an up-to-date, common-sense guide to being a good grandmother or grandmother-wannabe.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2019, American Library Association.)