Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

August 12, 2013
Southern humorist Rivenbark applies her trademark wit to answering modern-day dilemmas of etiquette in what is decidedly “not your mama’s etiquette guide.” She addresses everything from table manners—in a section titled “That’s Not a Salad Fork, You Stupid Bitch”—to dealing with pushy, bragging moms or, even worse, moms who refuse to vaccinate their children. Rivenbark grapples with important issues like discord between married Duke and North Carolina basketball fans; the office co-worker running a “cake scam”; and “unsolicited hugging.” She decries etiquette degenerates like air travel’s “Entitled Recline Monster”; a woman so devoted to her politics she campaigns at funerals; and the slow-moving grocery store shoppers she dubs Saunteringus malingerus. Further topics include restroom etiquette, where Rivenbark advises men to “not tap your toes in a stall,” as “such behavior could turn you into a Republican congressman”; dealing with rude or lousy drivers on the road; and even proper Facebook behavior. As usual, her comments are infused with a Southern flair, be it a recipe for bourbon-soaked baked ham, the “Sunday-afternoon drop-in,” or prefacing awful comments with “bless her heart.” Fans of Rivenbark’s biting humor will not be disappointed with this latest offering.

October 1, 2013
More ribald social input from humor columnist Rivenbark. The outspoken Southern author's latest keeps both the tradition of eye-popping titles (You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl: Observations on Life from the Shallow End of the Pool, 2011, etc.) and blunt, tongue-in-cheek content very much alive as she scolds the general public for its blatant lack of manners. Culled from interviews with panels of effusive friends, colleagues and random strangers, Rivenbark applies her unique brand of profanity-laden wisdom to chapters on relatable, touchy topics like PDAs ("affection should be private"), gym courtesy, Facebook civility and how to handle air travel's notoriously "Entitled Recline Monster." Elsewhere, her conveyance of smart--and often crassly hysterical--advice on restroom demeanor (think: toilet seats down vs. "pee spray") and how to behave when you're arrested or hosting guests leaves scant room for misinterpretation. Some serious laugh-out-loud moments come at the expense of those with gluten allergies, gossipers and mothers who grocery shop with unruly children ("you and your brood are shaving years off my life"). Even readers unfamiliar with Rivenbark's unique brand of cautionary guidance will giggle right along with her, knowing the author fearlessly admits to being "all about the cheap, easy laugh." Still, particular guidance, like a chapter on respecting your partner post-marriage ("the slide begins when the kids come") reads as more heartfelt than facetious. Mostly directed toward the "exhausted, overworked, undervalued mommy," yet applicable to anyone since "some bad behavior is practically universal," her etiquette tips are satisfying and mostly entertaining. Once again, Rivenbark reliably delivers what her fans have come to expect: a self-assured combination of common sense, sharp humor and a dash of Southern charm.

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