What to Do When I'm Gone

February 1, 2018

In her early 20s, artist/writer Bateman (Brave New Work) spent a sleepless night imagining what her life would be like without her mother, author Hopkins (Friends & Neighbors magazine). To whom would she turn for advice about matters big and small? The next morning, Bateman asked her mom to write a guide that would prepare Bateman for her absence. This memoir is Hopkins's reply to that request, paired with Bateman's illustrations. The day-to-day list of instructions includes dealing with grief, encouragement in the face of adversity, and tips for making all sorts of decisions. Full of the kind of counsel that will have readers longing to call their own mother, the book additionally features recipes that, while lacking in precision, exemplify Hopkins's charming, loving voice. Bateman's naive, whimsical style and rich color palette augment the text, yet her drawings often feel awkward and tacked onto the daily meditations. In many places, they actually distract from the poignancy of the narrative's message. VERDICT Hopkins's writing is relevant, funny, and warm; unfortunately, Bateman's artwork does not possess the same qualities.--E.W. Genovese, Andrew Bayne Memorial Lib., Pittsburgh

Copyright 2018 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

February 1, 2018
An illustrator daughter and her writer mother combine on a graphic volume of advice from the dead to the living.The introduction by Los Angeles-based Bateman (Brave New Work, 2017) suggests that she was troubled since girlhood by fears of death and by her mother's death in particular. One night, she writes, "I allowed myself to vividly imagine my mom's death, to feel the pain of the moment I learned she was gone." Such intimations of mortality gave birth to this book, as the two collaborated on what advice the mother could impart to the daughter from beyond the grave, first day by day and then proceeding through the stages of life, when the daughter will find herself facing the same fate that she imagines for her mother. "Your parent's death is nature's way of breaking the shocking news to you that it's your turn next," begins the advice on Day 21, which is titled, "Take a Hike." There are many different activities suggested for distraction in the days immediately following the death of one's mother, along with recipes (the sort that might pass through a family) and, eventually, advice for taking stock, moving on, and maturing into a person who will face the end of her own life. The advice is always warm and often wise, accompanied by illustrations that often reflect a playfulness reminiscent of Roz Chast. This isn't a morbid book, nor a particularly dark one, but a book about facing the inevitable with grace and good humor. By the time you reach "Day 17,000: Show compassion," you realize that this life is all we have, so you might as well make the most of it: "Be kind to yourself. No matter your age, you deserve clean clothes and a hot meal and good company."A pleasant and simple book about dying that is very much about living.

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January 1, 2018
Preoccupied in her early twenties with the thought of someday losing her mother, writer and artist Bateman asked her mom to write down step-by-step instructions for Bateman to follow after her death. This resulting book, a true collaboration, shares day-to-day advice from Hopkins, who's a writer and magazine publisher in addition to being Bateman's mom, along with Bateman's responsive full-color illustrations. For example, on day 320 post-mom, Hopkins writes, Make a list of things you hate to do. Immediately stop doing at least two of them; the bright image opposite shows a hairy-legged Bateman happily reading on a sunny day. On another day, Hopkins prepares her daughter for the unexpected treasure of memories of her she'll be left with, while Bateman imagines this happening when Carolina in My Mind comes on the radio. Readers may expect that this mother-daughter exercise is heartfelt but will probably be surprised by just how thorough it is in its thoughtful treatment of how to handle one's own life and death in addition to the loss of a loved one.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2018, American Library Association.)