The Power of Validation

April 1, 2013

According to the authors, validation can help children develop autonomy and a secure sense of self, and it may help prevent emotional problems and disorders. If that seems like a lofty claim, be patient for a moment more. Validation is a parenting technique for the long haul and not a response to specific circumstances or problems. Based on the premise that "our quality of life is connected to the quality of our relationships," Hall and Cook (dialectical behavior therapists) illustrate how accepting a child's feelings and thoughts (however illogical they are) teaches him to accept his own identity and perception, in turn decreasing his risk for following the tribe into dangerous behaviors. For parents, this means accepting emotional perceptions before walking a child through logical reasoning (e.g., if your daughter comes home from school claiming that she is fat and no one likes her, one should recognize and validate her feelings of disenfranchisement before outlining her faulty reasoning, which would only add self doubt to her existing feeling of disenfranchisement). VERDICT While the authors are a bit redundant in their presentation, there is valuable advice here. This approach takes mindfulness, patience, and a long-term vision, but parents who are able to help their children trust their emotional landscapes will have an easier time of scaffolding to higher reasoning, in addition to more secure relationships with their youngsters. Highly recommended.

Copyright 2013 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.