The Dance of Connection

Harriet Lerner is well known for her "Dances" on different topics, all of which are related to the purpose of improving personal relationships and working through attitudes and perspectives that generally stand in the way of happiness. Lerner reads in a voice well practiced from seminars and public speaking. She has an intimate and sympathetic tone that says, "I understand your pain; let me help you find another way to think about life." She is rather more deliberate and careful when she is discussing specific cases, but this is lightened in the sections of the text not tied to specific clients. The audience for her printed books may appreciate hearing her voice. J.E.M. (c) AudioFile 2002, Portland, Maine

June 25, 2001
Psychotherapist and bestselling author Lerner has been teaching readers how to "dance" with difficult relationship issues throughout the past decade, and remains one of the most helpful writers on the topic. With her familiar mix of conversational language and profound empathy for people (primarily women) who are struggling with the most important relationships in their lives, she now tackles the verbal challenges of life's most painful conversations. Far from trite "communication skills" or "assertiveness training," her book offers lucid and concrete guidance on how to speak out in a wide variety of problem situations (e.g., when a wife suspects her husband is having an affair with a co-worker, or when friends jeopardize their relationship by becoming roommates). Lerner moves smoothly through the common obstacles to understanding how we feel, how we want to express ourselves and what we want to accomplish by talking about our feelings. Recognizing that "your brain will turn to mush" when trying to explain yourself in an emotional state, she offers practical advice on sharing vulnerability; voicing concerns, complaints or requests; apologizing; listening and setting limits on how much one is willing to listen to others' complaints and negativity. Accepting that we can never guarantee that others will hear us or respond as we'd like, Lerner focuses on the authentic expression of self, "maximiz the chance of being heard" and keeping the connection open, despite complex emotions, misunderstandings and silences. (Sept. 1)Forecast:The popularity of
The Dance of Anger,
The Dance of Intimacy,
The Dance of Deception and
The Mother Dance virtually assures an eager audience for Lerner's new work. She has recently added children's books to her repertoire (
Franny B. Kranny, There's a Bird in Your Hair,
PW, May 21), which may expand her readership even further.

For anyone in any relationship, this is a thought-provoking and self-reflecting "must read." Although it's not easy to change our behaviors, Lerner's book provides explanations, examples, and case studies to help listeners overcome the difficulties inherent in communication between two people, especially those we care deeply about. Barbara Caruso's reading is as close to perfect as one can get; the timbre of her voice is soothing and rich. Listeners quickly feel that Lerner is talking to them, advising them, sharing herself with them. With refreshing resonance and color, Caruso is clear and succinct, humorous and caring as she moves through a discussion of various life situations. This is a book to listen to over and over, all through the ups and downs of our lives. W.L.S. Winner of AudioFile Earphones Award (c) AudioFile 2003, Portland, Maine

April 15, 2001
From a famed psychologist, author of the best-selling The Dance of Anger: how to talk when the talking is tough.

Copyright 2001 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.