It's Not Him, It's You

April 19, 2010
Though she agrees that "sometimes dating sucks," psychologist Hartman (Dating the Divorced Man) has found, through considerable research, that "during the early stages of dating, women unknowingly make one or more fundamental mistakes." Here, she enumerates the top ten such mistakes-including "You Think Men Have a Clue," "Your Attitude Sucks," and "You Plan Your Wedding After the First Date"-to help women identify and stop self-sabotaging behaviors. Throughout, Hartman puts responsibility squarely on the woman reading, a tough-love strategy assuaged with doses of compassion and empathy, and sweetened by the promise of empowerment, independence and self-knowledge. Hartman also encourages women to learn as much as possible about the men's side of things, pointing to Askmen.com and Neil Strauss's The Game. More than experts, mothers and even friends, however, Hartman believes a woman's most helpful advisor is herself; her most valuable lesson is on tuning out unhelpful voices and learning to listen to the one that knows you best.