The Rules for Marriage

May 21, 2001
For faithful followers of the The Rules, the authors of that wildly popular dating manual now provide a lifelong "maintenance" plan—that is, more rules—on how to hang onto husbands once they've been nabbed. Rule 36 ("It's easier to stay married than to get married") sums up their strategy. But many women will wonder about the payoff in marriage as depicted here, which for women involves being someone else's cheerleader for life, expecting neither sympathy nor applause for doing the chores and not forcing one's husband to talk, on the premise that men are from Mars. Even common-sense advice—such as keep up your own interests and give him time alone when he comes home—sounds callow in Fein and Schneider's hands. At least they don't pretend there's anything new in these "time-tested" rules. Other familiar fare includes scheduling a date night and reminders not to nag or to try to be a superwoman. Some of the original rules, like the one about having "long hair," are included. Others may be unpleasant for some readers: do things you don't want to do, like go to football games or see his family. The rules are clear on the subject of fidelity: the marriage is over if the husband cheats even once. Perhaps because of the disclosure of coauthor Fein's recent divorce, the book also covers the dos and don'ts of divorce—have dignity and date ASAP—and second marriages. (June)Forecast:Despite its arguably retrograde stance, this guide is as golden as a wedding band. The media has already begun to roll in—though much has been related to Fein's divorce. But "Rules girls" will still flock to the author tour venues in five cities, and countless brides or brides-to-be will receive the book as a gift, serious or otherwise.

May 15, 2001
When it first came out, The Rules (1996) was attacked for being anti-feminist and even misogynistic. That didn't keep it from becoming a best seller and spawning The Rules II and other spin-offs. The Rules for Marriage follows suit. With advice that runs along the lines of "So what if your husband blasts rock music at 6 a.m.! He likes it! You need to adjust. Use the time you would normally spend sleeping to go to the gym instead!" and "Wear sexy clothes when you go out even if you would rather be comfortable! It matters more what he thinks!" the Rules Girls aren't going to win any awards for promoting equality between the sexes. Some of their advice, however, isn't so bad; for example, they do tell women not to depend on their husbands for all of their fun and emotional support. But of the 43 rules, at least two-thirds are a little on the Phyllis Schlafly side. As a bonus, the authors go beyond telling you how to be a Rules Girl in your marriage they offer rules for divorce and for second marriages. (What a plus!) Still, there's bound to be demand, although Fein's recent divorce may undermine the Rules Girls' credibility.

Copyright 2001 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.