Loves Me...Not

December 2, 2013
Popular blogger O’Shea (Note to Self) seeks to cure readers of debilitating crushes and obsessive romantic behavior and embrace the positive side of being single. She recommends the timeless notion of loving yourself first and not seeking others to validate or complete you, while providing instructions on maintaining control of your own self-worth. In addition to pop culture references, O’Shea references the work of Erich Fromm, Eckhart Tolle, and the unhappy romances of literary icons like Maya Angelou and Hans Christian Andersen. O’Shea explains the psychology of infatuation, from the brain’s release of dopamine to a little-known condition called “limerence” that causes “an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one’s feelings reciprocated.” In the chapter “Silence Your Inner Psycho,” she discusses the pitfalls of “hot cognition” and selective hearing. As for the challenges of being single, she offers several responses to the question “Are you seeing anyone?” and lists happy, successful, unmarried people like Coco Chanel and Diane Keaton. O’Shea also boldly includes stories from her own life that, while often unflattering, serve well for hindsight-based observation and instruction. Readers seeking to shake a bout of love sickness will find solid advice and coping skills.

Starred review from April 1, 2014

As one who has endured the torture and survived, O'Shea, a popular Huffington Post blogger, says that obsessive, unrequited love isn't amour but rather an unhealthy obsession that's better left behind. Like a good friend she understands the woes involved but shows how better-than-life fantasies and unrealistic expectations can interfere with real relationships. She warns against stalking, setting oneself up for rejection, or using someone else to get over a lost flame. O'Shea also spends a chapter on unrequited platonic love--companionships in which one person is overly critical or chronically unavailable or puts their "friend" in uncomfortable positions. VERDICT The author has insight to the inner psyche that readers will appreciate and her book offers sound advice.

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