Fame, Fortune, and the Bran Muffins of Doom

August 13, 2012
When a school talent show is announced, persnickety elementary-schooler Simon is convinced that he and his two best friends need to emulate a popular boy band, the Funkee Boyz, to take first place. Simon reads the dictionary for fun and talks like it: “We will convene at my domicile after our daily internment has drawn to a conclusion” (Simon’s vocab test–ready words are both bolded in the story and defined in a glossary). He’s also a master planner, though his plans have a tendency to go south fast. Preparing for the talent show is no different: his neighbor takes to pelting Simon’s band with bran muffins when they disturb her television time, and their efforts at retaliation backfire. This first novel from picture book author/illustrator Kelley (Twelve Terrible Things) is packed with gross-out humor and pleasingly absurd details, such as the retiring schoolteacher who gives Simon’s class assignments tied to her planned relocation to Florida. Simon’s frostiness and formal dialogue, though, may distance him from readers, and both he and his friends come across as fairly one-note. Ages 7–10. Agent: Abigail Samoun, Red Fox Literary.

August 15, 2012
Simon's dream to win a fortune in the school talent show with his two best pals, Munch and Ralph, is thwarted by the band trio's lack of practice. Simon likes to speak in big words (boldfaced and defined in a lengthy glossary in the end). Munch eats anything, even boogers and turds. Everything makes Ralph sick. These three jokes are repeated ad nauseam. But the exaggeration in this first novel by picture-book writer Kelley (Twelve Terrible Things, 2008) doesn't end with these characterizations. Everyone is a stereotype: Simon's hated big sister, their overweight and inattentive teacher, their ancient, muffin-flinging neighbor, Mrs. Annand, and their archenemies Mike, Evil Ernie and Eviler Ernie (who actually loves to knit). Chapter by chapter, Simon describes their failed attempts to practice for the Friday night show, Mrs. Annand's bran-muffin attacks and finally, their lame performance, dancing to a toddler's CD. Kelley's graphite sketches accompany each chapter. Simon, with his glasses and V-neck sweater, is easily identifiable, as are other characters. Sharp-eyed readers will notice that Munch is not the only one who gets a haircut. The concluding glossary includes example sentences but no pronunciation guides, making it less-than-useful. Only for the strong-stomached. (Fiction. 8-10)

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October 1, 2012

Gr 4-6-Precocious, with a sizable vocabulary, Simon is determined to win his school's talent show. He enlists the help of his trusty friends Ralph, the hypochondriac son of physicians, and Munch, a nose-picking, human garbage disposal. The cast of characters also includes the requisite archenemy, in this case, Mike McAlpine and fruity-smelling Stacy, whom Simon refers to as "foul girl." She inspires Simon to form a band, much like the popular Funkee Boyz, in order to claim the show's grand prize. The fact that neither he nor his friends play instruments or are musical in any way is not considered. They soon begin practicing in Simon's backyard, only to be thwarted by Simon's crotchety old neighbor, Mrs. Annand, who throws rock-hard bran muffins at the boys to silence them. The text is sprinkled throughout with Simon's extraordinary vocabulary choices, which are highlighted and far above the comprehension level of the intended audience. A glossary is included to aid readers, but the sheer number of words makes using it an almost impossible task and certainly interrupts the flow of the story. Simon is supercilious and often downright rude. Munch's habit of putting anything and everything in his mouth is disgusting and often disconcerting. There is not much to recommend this title, which seems as doomed as the victims of Mrs. Annand's bran muffins.-Mary Beth Rassulo, Ridgefield Library, CT

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