I Will Be Okay

May 15, 2020
Under the flashes of fireworks, 15-year-old Matt kisses his best friend, Stick, and soon everything changes. The pair conclude that July night with an abrupt separation, leaving Matt unsure of what comes next. Then Stick loses his father to a massive heart attack, and their world alters once again. At first, Matt wants to be there for his friend, even though he can't stop mulling over their kiss. When the two boys initiate a secret one-week relationship trial that abruptly ends once Matt's mom discovers the pair canoodling, their friendship ruptures amid Matt's internal struggles over his queerness and Stick's uncertainties about his sexuality. It's a long, winding road for Matt and Stick in Elenbark's solid debut, a tortured, moody rumination on young queer love. Matt, a Puerto Rican, Naruto-obsessed teen with a dash of self-deprecation, struggles to overcome his uneasiness in his own skin, an inner battle amplified by his father's machismo. For Stick, a white teen who finds solace in drugs and alcohol alongside a reluctant Matt, his father's death casts doubt over his life, multiracial family (he has 12 mostly adopted siblings), and estrangement from his mother. The author explores the weight of coming out to one's family and oneself with gentle thoughtfulness, although Matt's at times unreliable narration threatens to derail this process. It's all a little messy, uplifting in parts, yet committed to a triumphant finale that withers somewhat under scrutiny. Fumbling toward graceful sweetness. (Realistic fiction. 12-18)

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