The Secret Lives of Wives

July 4, 2011
A wife of 23 years and mother of four grown sons, Krasnow (Surrendering to Marriage) advises wives that if they care about their families they "should find a way to make their marriage work." To this end, Krasnow has compiled the strategies for marital commitment of more than 200 women from across America who range in ethnicity, economic status, level of education, age when they married (from 15 to 70 years). Several know the self-affirming value of separate vacations and passions: Gail spends summers solo, painting in Italy, returning energized. Likewise, empty-nester Tracey, who has wonderful memories of her childhood sails with her father, became a yacht salesperson. Shelley turned infidelity to her advantage: her husband's affair with her best friend reinvigorated her marriage rather than destroying it Shauna compartmentalizes her life: because her husband, a good father and provider, is uninterested in sex, she has a landscaper boyfriend who loves sex. Perhaps the best advice comes from a Bengali in an arranged marriage who says women have to take responsibility for their own happiness. Although often trite, overwritten, and unfocused, this is also a spirited, frequently perceptive work that aims to fix marriages by empowering wives.

October 1, 2011
Marital mysteries revealed by women who hold the keys to wedded bliss. After marriage, writes Krasnow (I Am My Mother's Daughter: Making Peace with Mom—Before It's Too Late, 2007, etc.), comes learning to live with your spouses' myriad idiosyncrasies, and later on, figuring out how to love that bloated, wrinkled oaf camped out on your living-room couch. The author's latest is an informative look into the lives of married women set alongside Krasnow's scrutiny of her own marriage. She whips up a spirited, enlightening cocktail of comfort, support and grace, in which women from all walks of life describe their relationships with their spouses both before and after marriage. Krasnow investigates how women have been able to maintain their happiness and sanity within their family lives, particularly during times of hardship, loneliness, despair and self-discovery. But marriage isn't always rosy, and its appeal can fluctuate—indeed, one of the book's most engaging passages explores why the popularity of marriage has waned over the years. When discussing marriage through history, the author cites artist and poet Georgia O'Keeffe, a woman who loved her husband, the celebrated photographer Alfred Stieglitz, but who pinned much of her matrimonial success on the fact that she was able to separate the personal and professional aspects of her life. Finally, Krasnow urges readers to remember the importance of including romance in marriage, suggesting that each romantic memory builds years onto a successful marriage. Fulfilling and well-structured.

(COPYRIGHT (2011) KIRKUS REVIEWS/NIELSEN BUSINESS MEDIA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.)

May 15, 2011

Some couples do stay hooked. Author of the New York Times best-selling Surrendering to Marriage, Krasnow interviewed women with long-lasting marriages and discovered that things work best when both partners have a sense of self separate from the marriage. Since Krasnow regularly speaks to women's groups, often addressing 1000-plus women a month, she'll have an audience.

Copyright 2011 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.