Impossible to Please

October 8, 2012
In this insightful offering, Lavender and Cavaiola (the duo behind 2000’s Toxic Co-workers) address the challenges of dealing with those friends, family members, and co-workers whose standards seem impossibly high. After defining the variations and subtypes of “controlling perfectionists,” the authors explore possible causes for these difficult personalities, including parental influence, anxiety, environment, and other factors. But rather than simply lambaste or dissect perfectionists, Lavendar and Cavaiola shift their focus to practical skills and strategies for dealing with these personalities, such as learning when to assert oneself and when to take a step back, as well as how to deal with outbursts, clarify one’s goals as they relate to the perfectionist, and set “better boundaries.” In a nutshell, the authors recommend “the three ‘C’s of collaborate communication,”, which are tooled to allow perfectionists a certain level of control while empowering those communicating with them. Specific tips for handling different types of perfectionists are offered, as are suggested exercises that deal with everything from assertive communication to ways to build self-worth. Mental health therapy options are also explored in this thoughtful and useful take on a common characteristic.

December 1, 2012

The latest work by co-authors Lavendar and Cavaiola (Toxic Coworkers) not only delves into the pathology of perfectionism, but helps readers take charge of their relationships with difficult people, regaining their confidence in the process. The authors discuss a number of strategies including setting limits and boundaries, improving communication, and asserting oneself. They cover controlling perfectionists in the workplace, romantic relationships, family life, and friendships. A final chapter discusses how readers can help others dealing with this issue. Controlling behavior can be perceived as bullying, and thus needs to be addressed. This book does it well.

Copyright 2012 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.