Love as a Way of Life

Starred review from April 28, 2008
Chapman follows up his five million-copy bestseller The Five Love Languages
with this wise, heartfelt guide to cultivating seven traits that lead to loving relationships. Whereas his work on love languages explored the primary ways people give and receive love, this book explores the nitty-gritty of an entire “attitude of love,” with chapters on kindness, patience, forgiveness, humility, courtesy, generosity and honesty. Each chapter includes quizzes, questions for reflection and ideas for applying that chapter's teachings. All self-help books run the risk of cliché, but Chapman manages to make tried-and-true material feel fresh through carefully chosen examples from his pastoral counseling practice and his own life. The chapter on forgiveness is especially powerful, as Chapman advocates forgiveness as a daily habit, not an occasional bequest. Although Christian faith provides the scaffolding for his program and a concluding chapter makes the need for God's help explicit, Chapman's judicious counsel can be implemented by people of many religious traditions. This book is head and shoulders above the bulk of self-help literature precisely because it is not about “self” so much as helping others.

June 1, 2008
Christian marriage counselor Chapman ("The Five Love Languages; The Heart of the Five Love Languages") has written this guide for anyone, regardless of religious or spiritual persuasion, who wants to become loving and compassionate. Chapman focuses on seven traitskindness, patience, forgiveness, courtesy, humility, generosity, and honestyas foundations for loving relationships, challenging readers to develop them as habits for everyday living. Devoting a chapter to each trait, Chapman begins each chapter with an easy-to-remember definition (e.g., ""courtesy": the act of treating everyone as a personal friend"). He shares stories of clients and others who have put these traits into practice, then suggests ways of developing them and of overcoming obstacles to adopting them. Each chapter concludes with exercises in visualization (e.g., what would your relationships be like if you were to adopt a given trait?) and further questions and options for application. Concluding chapters explore the application of the seven traits in marriage, parenting, and the workplace. Chapman's style is easy to follow; his questions are thought-provoking and appropriate for group discussion and personal reflection. Recommended for public libraries. [See Prepub Alert, "LJ" 3/1/08.]Lucille M. Boone, San Jose P.L., CA

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