Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids

November 5, 2012
A clinical psychologist specializing in child development and parenting, and founder of AhaParenting.com, Markham turns some commonly touted advice on its head, but not without first building a convincing case for her assertion that peaceful parenting is based upon unconditional love and connection. The book is divided into three "big ideas": regulating yourself; fostering connection; and coaching, not controlling. In Part One, she helps parents learn how to be mindful, patient, and manage anger. She then moves on to the importance of connection, the cornerstone of her parenting approach. A secure connection, Markham maintains, helps a child feel safe enough to explore the world, while pushing emotional independence creates needier children in the long run. With preventive maintenance such as "special time," in which the parent gives the child 100% of his/her attention for an allotted period, Markham lights the way to better-behaved kids. In Part Three, she reveals how punishmentâincluding the popular use of "time-out"âactually promotes bad behavior and lowers self-esteem. Instead, the author shows parents how to offer "loving guidance." She also advises avoiding the "slippery slope of disconnection" linked to "self soothing" which, she says, teaches babies that their needs will not be met and increases stress hormones. In this compassionate yet practical text, Markham deftly leads parents down a gentler, kinder path to raising emotionally intelligent and happier children. Agent, Rebecca Friedman.